YES WE CAN!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL CHOI!!! YOU ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE:

John “The Mayor” Park  #11B  SG University of Michigan

the guy in the middle, not the one on the right

Star comparisons:

Fred Hoiberg(the mayor), Sean Casey(the mayor), Ed Koch/Blomberg/Dinkins/JerrySpringer(mayor), Mr. Miyagi(Master of the Crane), Brent Barry/Robert Horry (wily veteran), Lebron James/Magic Johnson (fun and loved by teammates),David Beckham(OCD need to have things clean), Mikey Choi(Voice Twin),

Crane City, Japan – KONICHIWA!   In anticipation of the newly formed RWCNBA summer league(which is reportedly being organized by a dashing fellow), i’ve decided to learn at least one basketball skill.  And what skill better to start with than the jump shot?  And everyone knows there’s only one person to learn the jump shot from: the JPizzle, the mayor of crane city.  it’s where MJ, kobe, and lebron all went when they realized they needed the jump shot to elevate their games to the next level.  JJ Reddick traveled here as a young teenager, and was susbsequently attacked by the Kobra Cai, but was ultimately saved by the Mayor’s crane.  And sweet shooters like Larry Legend and Pistol Pete now reside here in peaceful harmony.

The first thing I learned from the Mayor was the importance of footwork in the jump shot.  While many people have seen the Mayor in action on the dance floor of weddings, few people realize that he’s actually practicing his footwork for his jumpshot.  and derives no enjoyment from dancing.  While many a lady has tried to get up close and dance with the mayor, he sees them simply as defenders on the court which is why he often eludes them with quick spins and sidesteps. To this day, he still hones his impeccable footwork on the dance floor, making him paritcualry deadly during the wedding season.

The mayor is a particuarly unifying force within his team.  His arsenal of jump shots is only matched by his treasure chest of one liners, which his teammates often find to be HEH HILARIOUS!  Often found yelling encouragement to teammates, the mayor is definitely a boost for team morale and is a safe bet to be re-elected for several terms.  Rumor has it that he’s been brought in to work with Kobe Bryant, but his efforts so far have failed because Kobe is a scumbag and a rapist.  Defintely not the mayor’s fault.

Of course like every player in the RWCNBA, the mayor is not without his flaws.   There have been times where he has refused to step out onto the court because its absolute filth clashed with his OCD cleanliness.  He routinely gets injured around February/March(tax season) and battles the other common injury that belagues most players known as ministry.  An avid golfer and recreational soft ball player, some have questioned the mayor’s passion for hoops but we know that his true loe is the corner 3.

recap:

-great jump shot

-good teammate, often helps teammates relax and have fun.  encourages others.

-doesnt like the paint

Best ways to defend:

1. ask for company to be audited

2. try to get him pissed off and hope he crane kicks you and gets a T

if all else fails

3. break into his apt and make a huge mess.  take pictures and show him before the game.

the mayor stands for life, liberty and the corner 3

Teaching more students the art of the crane

Giving his relection speech

We couldn't stop the barrage of 3's so this was our only option

Another fire started by a JP 3

Welcome to Crane City Watch it bring you to your sha na na na na na na na knees, knees I gonna watch you bleed

campaign trail

we all know who i voted for in the crane city election.

GO SHOOOORTAY ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY

Happy Birthday Andy5! Since the best present of all(killing your associates and blowing your office building up) will land me in the slammer, i’ll provide the next best thing.  reading material about basketball.  WAHOOO.

Michael “The Chef” Choi, PG/SG/SF/PF/C  #69  The French Culinary Institute

THE CHEF

Star comparisons:

Kevin Durant(only body, not skill), Stephen Curry(owns his jersey, not his skill), Lamar Odom/Jerry Stackhouse/Andrei Kirilenko (versatility), rafer alston(and1 ball skills and flair),Nikoloz Tskitishvili(basketball clone), Chen Kenichi/Hiroyuki Sakai(asian iron chefs), rocco dispirito/dave lieberman(incredibly sexy chefs!), Dave Grohl/ringo Starr(rockstar drummers), john park(voice)

DO YOU SMELLLLLLLL WHAT THE CHEF IS COOKING???????  Many times its a dizzying array of 3’s, steals, blocks, rebounds, and jumpers.While many ballers in RWCNBA only excel at one(or sometimes no) facet of the game, the Chef shines as a truly versatile player, hitting a 3 on one play and the guarding a much bigger man down in the post on the very next possession.  It’s ok, because secretly the Chef loves really big men.  BIG ONES.  His love for big men is only eclipsed by his love of sports, especially basketball.  The CHEF is always down to play, and often fights through nagging injuries to his ankle and wrist.  However, his will and basketball heart may soon be broken when Lebron James leaves his beloved Cleveland Cavs and leads the New York Knicks to 10 straight nba titles.

The Chef grew up on the rough streets of Cincinnatti where he learned how to take it the streets.  You know how he likes it baby, straight hoood.  There he beat the odds and went to college . As shown by his wardrobe, the Chef attended many ncaa universities including north carolina, oregon,illinois, the ohio st.  At each school, he added one facet to his repetoire, leading to the versatility that he wows his opponents with today.  But it was ultimately his last school, the french culinary institute, where his basketball skills shined, leading the cooks to a division 11 title.  Rumor has it that he blocked 8 shots against the institue of culinary education in the championship(unfortunately, all the blocks were against girls).

The versatility of the chef is in no way limited to just the court.  His typical Sundays including jamming on the drums, dominating on the basketball court, dazzling the ladies at starbucks, and cooking delicious quesadillas.  really delicious quesadillas.  ooooh yes.  However, versatility has it costs.   Can a man of many tricks truly master one?  Time will tell.

He Loves the BIG ONE. Practicing his Post Defense. Or is it offense?

just like rocky, the chef prefers to train in the mountains of russia. HEAAARTS ON FIREEEE

CHEF JUMPS HIGH. GIRLS ARE WOWED. YAWN WHAT ELSE IS NEW.

on the phone during the RWCNBA draft. last pick of round 37, chosen right after ethan and jeremy.

with the man who taught him everything abt basketball. and cooking. and drums. and beer. and life.

Recap:

-incredibly versatile.  like the potatoes that he cooks.

-tries to play basketball the right way after being more of a showboat early on in his career

-truly loves basketball, especially shorts and sneakers.

weaknesses:

-often damages crucial portions of hand while cooking

-teammates can be fooled by fake pics called out by his voice twin JP(to be profiled in the future)

-has body of skinny teenage boy.

BEST WAY TO DEFEND:

1. schedule praise band practice during games

2. ask him to cook for surprise birthday parties of friends

IF ALL ELSE FAILS:

3. ask john park to leave skeevy messages on people’s voicemails imitating mikey to get him in trouble.

Back at it.

okay everyone, sorry for the long break between posts.  as suspected, its difficult to blog regularly, but gonna try to get back on the horse again.  and with hopes of trying to blog more regularly, im gonna try to expand the writing topics a bit.  no worries, rwc scouting reports will still be written in the future.

anyway, i love sports and i love conspirancies, and i really love the yankees.  so lets’s combine all of those and come up with my new conspiracy theory:

Arod is gay.  like literally gay.

now if i ever make it as a famous sports blogger,  someone will probably find this post and i’ll be in deep doodoo.  oh wells.  now with my loyal readership of ten pepole, i dont need too much worry abt slander and totally defaming someone.  so here we go!

arod as an individual makes no sense.  What great athlete has been this insecure? (people who wanna say arod is not great and is all roids are being dumb).  he totally acts like someone who cant handle media scrutiny and is hiding some big secret.  what could that big secret be? realistically, there aren’t many options.  Being gay, however, is onre conceivable one, especialy since the gay community would be willing to hide that kind of secret. also lets consider:

1. arod is obssessed with derek jeter, to an almost unnatural level.  The two were once really great friends but then had a huge falling out.  What could have been the cause of that fallout?  how bout good ol arod admitting his feelings to his good old pal derek. You can totally see derek jeter being WTF and just ending their friendship right there.  conversely, you can also see arod ordering boras to get him to the yankees anyway possible so he can win derek back.  I can just picture Arod working out after his hip surgery thinking, “C’mon alex! Work harder.  Derek needs you!!!”

2. arod has incredibly bad taste in woman and had to used hookers?  how is this possible for a major league athlete, let alone a good looking superstar?  Even someone who looks like patrick ewing gets to date the hotties just by his athlete status. and supposedly, he was a big fan of manly hookers.  uhhh manly hookers?? why???

3. arod’s steroeotypical gay slap of bronson arroyo’s hand in game 7 of the 2004 alcs.  embarassing.

4.  Would any straight man take this picture???

Does Arod secretly wish the man in the mirror could be derek jeter?

If arod did turnout to be gay, think abt how well his tellall book would sell.  GAY-ROD: confessions of a major league gay-mo with the first line being: I was a third basemen on the field, but a catcher off it(credit to jp for this line).   he would also instantly becoming the most galvanizing figure in sports.

also watching champions league today, i have to say that christiano ronaldo would make the perfect gay lover for arod.   they would just have that walk around holding hands with buffed chests and tight jeans in chelsea look.

so that’s my first sports conspiracy theory and im sticking to it. if it turns out  to be true, i would have no problems rooting for Arod.  I just wanna see a world champion again. LETS GO YANKEES!!!

tengo una pregunta!

sup everyone.  gonna fire up another question that i pondered abt after a dinner with terri and funko.  dont worries, sports blogging will continue.  anyway,

would you rather date someone who:

A: has incredibly annoying habits that bother your closest friends.  things like the way they eat their food, their laugh, their voice intonation.  your friends like your sig other and these are not character flaws.  however, these characteristics annoy them to the point where they will not go out of their way to spend time with you as a couple.

B: has behavior which deviates drastically with groups of people than when you guys are alone together.  you do not mind the person your significant other is with groups of people, but you definitely like the solo version a lot more.

as always, please give reasoning for your answer.  gracias!

TUP BAAAAAAABY

Kevin Kim, MLB/DE #54  Milburn Senior High School.

No rebounds for you.

Star comparisons:

Clearance Weatherspoon(body type), Jeff Adrien, Julius Peppers(football player playing basketball), Chong Li from bloodsport(CHEST), Gaston from beauty and the beast(CHEST), The Incredible Hulk, Lenny from Of Mice and Men(penchant for cute things despite large size).

The most commonly used phrase during the NFL/NBA draft is tremendous upside potential.  It is used to describe players who have just began to scratch the surface of how good they can be on the basketball court.  Few players in RWCNBA have the tremendous upside potential of Kevin Kim.  Naturally a football player, Kevin has just begun to learn the ins and outs of basketball.  He still often reverts back to football mode, especially when there are loose balls to be had and Middle Linebacker Kevin tackles the first person he sees.  A truly tenacious competitor, Kevin often scares the crap out of the team with his bouts of anger.  Unfortunately, his own teammates are also having the crap scared out of them so the advantage gained by his team is minimal.

While not necessarily the tallest player, Kevin still is an effective post player due to his plus strength and aggression as well as his BARREL CHEST.  His body, however, is not without limitations.  While his inverted triangle body does well to make the ladies(and some doods) swoon, having chicken legs with a huge top is not the most ideal basketball body.  Furthermore, his huge pectoral region often interferes with his shooting motion, reducing his effectiveness from the outside.

Kevin’s improved play on the court, however, has not come without controversy.  Other baller in the PS111 cage claim that he is roiding it up with HGH and another anabolic steroids.  For evidence, they point to his uncontrollable fits of rage which are often taken out on poor basketballs at the end of losses.  When I asked Kevin about these claims, he took his shirt off and shook his pecs at me, a move which he taught to Chong Li and was later used in Bloodsport.  After further probing him and asking him if I could inspect his posterior for possible injection marks, he got even madder, turned green and then threw me into a trash cash.  Egads, the cost of investigative journalism.

Off the court, Kevin is quite the gentle soul.  He enjoys long walks on the beach, playing with babies and watching the extended two disc version of the notebook.  He also enjoys spending time with his girlfriend Gina(when she is not busy hanging out with Paul or Mikey).

Taking dance lessons to improve footwork in the post. Admirable, but please stop.

YOU BREAK MY RECORD I BREAK YOU.

Dont do it Lenny.

Recap:

-STRONG LIKE A BULL.  MUSCLES LIKE WOAH! BIG ONES!

-Makes up for bad footwork and finess around basket with increased effort

-Fierce on the court, gentle off it

-Built to play sports, not read books

-Still learning how to play basketball, but improving.

Best Ways to Defend:

1. Post flyers for fake free lunches.  A true sucker for eating.

2. Flirt with Gina during games in order to incite him into Incredible Hulk mode.

And if all else fails…
3. Import Danny Lee back from Korea.  Kevin will be unable to resist and end up attacking him physically.  Document the attack carefully and submit to league office and ask for suspension.  rinse and repeat.

Interesting Fact: Kevin can crush a soda can between his pecs.

The Gazelle

Mark Ro #1 SF/PF University of Illinois

Star comparisons: Corey Brewer, Tayshaun Prince,Andrei Kirilenko. , David Robinson(character/community service), Angelina Jolie(lips), Wilt Chamberlain(with the ladies..haha i keed)

There is a mythical basketball player.  Andre Bargnani calls him la gazzella.  Pau Gasol and Jose Calderon call him la gacela.  Yao Ming calls him deng ling. When he tragically ended Ha Seung Jin’s career by tearing both of his knees up on a killer cross, Jin cried out “young yang”. But to the ballers of PS 111, he is simply known as the gazelle.  He is slender and quick and moves with a grace that is unparalleled.  He is Mark(us) Ro.

The Sports Guy once wrote that the first time he saw David Robinson he knew he was born to play basketball, with his bulging biceps and unparalleled athleticism. The first time I saw Mark Ro, I said to myself: “My goodness, he is born to play (asian church) basketball. ”  We proceeded to then talk about Illinois basketball for four weeks in a row because we are doods who didnt know each other, so we did what guys do. Mark is a superior (asian) athlete.  Tall, quick and nimble, he posses an ideal (asian) basketball player body.  His greatest assests are his height and his long arms, which he uses to be a plus defender in the likes of a corey brewer or an ak 47.  On offense, the gazelle uses his nimble body to make excellent cuts to the basket.  However, his skinny frame does not do well inside the key at ps111,  where a basketball concept called “fouling” does not seem to exist.

While the gazelle’s body is a blessing to his basketball game, it has also a tragic flaw.  Due to his incredibly large and lucious lips, Mark’s body can not intake normal amounts of oxygen that other players can.  As a result, he is often winded after one game.   Mark also suffered from the same chornic injury as Andy5 known as a “finance job”, but rumors have it that he has shaken that bug and the gazelle will be free to wreck terror on the courts of PS 111.  Off the court, Mark has won RWC Man of the year 4 years in a row(a la david robinson) for his community service work. He is a quality teammate who would offer encouragement, but he is often so winded that he can not speak during games.

he's faster on his hands than you are on your feet.

no challenge for a gazelle

Rejecting formal basketball training, Mark instead prefers to train for the KUMITAE

Helping orpahns. Yawn, what else is new?

Recap:

Strengths: tall with long arms which he uses to play good D.  makes good cuts to the basket.  Solid citizen off the court in the mold of a David Robinson.

Weaknesses: no stamina.  irrational love for Houston Rockets, especially Tracy McGrady.  usually diverts primary energy into non basketball activites like eating lunch his small group.  BASURA!

Best ways to defend:  Ask SG members to divert him to lunch.  Run around in circles in order to tire him out.  If all else fails, ask him to go to borders to read.  He will not be able to resist.

the (rwc) sports guy

so partly inspired by the detailing of qiao of gcc ball as well as my desire to become the next sports guy, ive decided to start blogging abt sports as well.  since the actual sports guy(bill simmons) does a great job with the actual nba, i’ll delve into the league that im most in tune with: rwc sunday basketball.  no worries fans, i’m sure espn will find this blog within a matter of days and we’ll be on ESPN no time.  Erin Andrews patrolling the sidelines of ps 111.  i can see it coming ooooh yeah. so for our inagural post, i’ll write up a nice scouting report:

Andy Oh #5   PG, University of Pennsylvania

NBA Comparison: Steve Nash,  Baron Davis(due to large posterior and calves), Brevin Knight

Andy5 burst on the Remnant basketball scene while he was still at GCC when he came to play in the missions tournament, and he has remained a fixture ever since.  He is probably remnant’s only true point guard, often passing up open jumpers to set up his teammates, who then proceed to miss.  In fact, the best way to defend the Andy is to leave his teammates open as he can not resist the assist.  Andy does have a reliable jumper that he shows during crunch time, but experts(jooheon) on the sidelines often wonder why he doesnt shoot more.

While Andy should have a long and prosperous career in RWC ball there are some worrisome roadblocks that he will have to overcome.  His passion for music has often caused conflicts with his basketball pursuits, as he is often seen moving praise equipment during the first game.  Even more worrisome is he is often injured for long stretches of time with a mysterious injury called investment banking.  Only time can tell if this young superstar can overcome this injury and reach his potential at PS 111.

Does Andy have too many interests off the court?

Can he overcome this reoccuring injury???

Recap:

Strengths: True passion for the game, classic point guard with pass first mentality. Calves and buttocks are enormous.  Excellent footwork.

Weaknesses: Unselfish to a fault, passing up open jumpers to set up less competent teammates.  Tries to pick and roll with ppl who dont know how to roll.  Can not shake injury bug.

Best ways to defend: Send fake emails from employer in hopes that he’ll e injured again.  Leave other players open and hope he passes to them.

Just like his idol Steve Nash, working on his footwork via el futbol

MADNESS!!!!

sup everyone

thanks for the responses, especially cody who is clealry not afraid to be honest. LOL.  personally, id rather have a 6/10 with 100% compatability because i value feeling comfortalbe a lot in relationships.  I asked because I thikn guys are all about maximization/efficiency so woudl learn more towards taking a ten even if it wasn’t the best fit were girls tend to be more relational and would want the compatability.  definitely intersting to see what people said.

anyway, what’s really consuming my interset now is MARCH MADNESS!  holler, the best sporting event of the year. but inevitably, every year, i get a case of some school envy since I know my almamater is athetlically challenged and i’ll never see them do anything in the tourney.  So this led me to think of other schools i would have liked to have gone to.  and without further ado:

3. UCLA – great basketball, ok football.  LA has good weather and best cheap eats.  Also has the coveted kogi taco truck.  Negatives are having to drive everywhere and slow pace of cali life.

2. Michigan – it’s great to be a michigan wolverine.  great football, ok basketball but its back on the rise with the 1-3-1 in place.   Also, everyone I know from the state of Michigan i really like.  i dunno why, but the people there are just super pleasant.  negative is that it is freakin cold.

1. UT Austin – Hook em Horns!Sick football, pretty good basketball.  Austin is supposed to be a great city and has great indie music.  It’s also the bbq center of the world.  I think its warm there, but not sure.  Everyone i know who’s been to austin loves it.

so what schools do you wish you could have went to????

Back At it

okay friends
gonna try to start blogging again. itll be a mix of questions, blog entries, things i wanna write about and things other ppl want some insights on. anyway hopefully it’ll be mildly entertaining for everyone bored in front of a computer.

anyway, this question came to fruition via dinner with funko and terri as well as doing some fantasy baseball drafts:

lets say you have to marry a 6 out of 10 who you are 100% compatible with or a 10 out of 10 that you are only 60% compatible with. which do you choose and why?

edit: Both people will have the same character. (terri, please repost if you so desire).

some faqs:
1. these ratings will not change. the out of ten rating comprises looks, smarts, personality and sense of humor.
2. the amount of money you guys make will be the same. so the 10/10 and the 6/10 will be equally succesful in life
3. even though you are 100% compatible wiht this person, it doesnt make them a ten to you. theyre still a six to you, but you guys just “get” each other. perhaps not the most reasonable idea, but thats why its hypothetical.

Questoin 6(not really hypothetical)

howdy y’all.  monday morning blues OOOOH NOOO.  anyway, here’s soemthing i wondered abt in the past that has recently resurfaced in my mind.  as my friend put it “the way guys are mean to each other when they play sports is how girls are mean to each other all the time”  i can see some truth to that.  so anyway today, lets explore:

why are girls fake friends to girls they dont really like where guys are just okay with not being friends?  guys, have you ever been in situations where you faked a friendship with a guy?  if so, how/why?

if this is a touchy subject, please feel free to write in anonymously.