RWCBA Week 3: the commissioner speaks edition.

hello sports fans!  sorry for the delay, but this reporter has been busy trying to pretend that he is part of the yankees press core so he can get ever closer to derek jeter.  alas, failure.  but no worries, we had another great week of RWCBA and we have an exciting interview with the RWCBA commissioner.  He’s agreed to take time from his busy TV watching schedule to speak with us. here’s the exclusive now:

RWCBA blog: commissioner, thanks for taking time to speak with us.

commish: no problem insignificant blog writer.  RWCBA exists for its 20 fans, so im happy to oblige.

blog: i’m sorry to start our interview this way, but i received an anonymous tip that star kevin kim received teh superstar treatment detailed by tim donaghy here:  http://deadspin.com/5392067/excerpts-from-the-book-the-nba-doesnt-want-you-to-read.  how do you respond to these allegations?

commish: thats just ridiculous.  RWCBA referees are the finest that asian basketball has to offer.  they go through a rigorous training process that puts jcvd’s kumitae training in bloodsport and rocky’s training in rocky IV to shame.  The reffing could not be better.

blog: okay thanks for clearing that up.  are there any truth to rumors that the season will end with a GCCBA vs RWCBA all-star game.  how will this affect RWCBA superstars that came up in the GCCBA ranks.

commish: i can not confirm or deny those rumors as of now.  however, the GCCBA commissioner is quite a dashing fellow.  one of the most eligible chinese-american christian auditor of casinos out there.

qiao

the man who paved the way. like john the baptist.

blog:  duly noted.   in week 2, you were seen sitting in the prime box seats with star PWC auditor John Park.  Is there any chance of corporate sponsorship coming anytime soon?

commish: I was there simply as a guest and to enjoy the great seats that PWC currently owns at PS 111.  However, we are currently in negotiations for some corporate sponsorship between Mee’s Chinese  Food, Pan Real Thai, Pan Real Thai Encore, Pan Real Thai: Back Again and Pan Real Thai: THATS RIGHT YOURE GONNA EAT THAI THIS WEEK WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.  so i’m gonna say we’re gonna be sponsored by a thai restaurant.  keep your eyes pealed out for the upcoming drunken noodle commercials with timo and ronell.  the subway 5 dollar jingle will have nothing on us.

blog: is it true that youre working for free?

rwcba: its true, but i do it for the fans, so i dont mind.  i will, however, accept any home cooked meals(from girls only).

blog: ok that’s all for now. thakns commish.

rwcba: anytime.

onto the recaps.  week 3 stats here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1: Team Ro-Sen Ones (41) Team heartbreak (39)

Team Hero:

ronell

get used to this picture.

Another heartbreaking loss for Team heartbreak as Team Ro-Sen Ones continues its undefeated romp through RWCBA.  Ronell continues his dominance with 18 pts, 14 rebs, 4 assists, 1 steak, 1 block, and one cheering pui.  “Thats my Boo!!!!!”  was heard throughout the gym as the chocolate rain came showering down.  The gazelle Mark Ro finally made his RWCBA debut.  Initially, off to a slow 0-5 start from the field, when the Gazelle found that games were being live streamed to australia, his play picked up and he finished with a strong 13 pt 7 reb 3 steal 2 block effort. Team heartbreak finds new and imaginative ways to lose each week, and sports a minuscule 5 point differential in 3 losses.  Timo was strong in defeat with 16 pints and 11 rebounds, and it seems to be only a matter of time before this team’s luck turns around.  Rumor has it that after this game MikeOh was seen using the itune autotune app. “Basketball how could you be so heartlesssssssss”. Team Ro-sen Ones remain the favorites to win season 1 of RWCBA but of course, there is still much basketball to be played.  They do, however, have a strong hold on worst team name.

Game 2: Fade To Black(55) – Ruckus (43)

Team Hero:Andy Oh

andyoh

pointguard/model or model/pointguard? time will tell.

A game of swings that saw Ruckus jump out to a 8 point lead in the first half but ended up with Fade to Black ending with a 8 point victory.  Point Guard Andy Oh was rumored to be watching allen iverson tapes this past week, and the effects showed as he finished with a strong 20 points with 0 assists and 4 turnovers.  somewhere, gilbert arenas and devin harris are rejoicing.  Team Ruckus was propelled in the first half by the half human/half robot clintron-3000.  While other teams have complained that having a robot with a chiseled body is unfair, the fact remains that RWCBA remains an experimental league where almost anything goes.  Lamont Chichester propelled a strong defensive effort by Ruckus by taking larceny to new levels with a season(and thus league record) high six steals.  However, lack of flow in the half court offense ultimately ended the Ruckus and ensured that they would fade to black.

Game 3: Juntao(47) – Fighting Violets(35)

Team Hero: Jooheon Yoon

jooheon

from guitar hero to basketball hero

A game that featured a huge swing before tip off when big man Jooho Lee was sidelined another week , delaying his much awaited debut, and Jung Suh decided to play through his ever nagging injury(investment banking).  The Fighting Violets had little answer for Jooheon Yoon who finished with a strong 22 points and 7 rebounds. Juntao was happy to see David Park’s recreational lacross league finally end and have him chip in a strong 12 points while shooting an unbelievable 4 from 4 from the free throw line, thereby raising the abysmal league FT shooting percentage.  The Fighting Violets were shorthanded with only six players, and Ben Shim did his best to keep his team in the hunt with 13 points including three 3 pointers.  This is the second week in a row that Ben’s shooting percentage has risen as he tries to shed his stephen jackson stereotype.  Will week 4 see ben shoot 50%?  Will jooho ever play?  Will Kevin’s body ever stop growing?  Tons of questions surround this team right now.

The Power RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK.

1. Ro-Sen Ones(3-0. next week vs. JUNTAO).  Still undefeated and bolstered by the return of their team captain.  They face a depleted JUNTAO next week so it should be an easy road to 4-0.

2. Fade To Black(2-1. next week vs Fighting Violets) – back to back wins with strong defensive efforts have helped this team rise to number two in the poll.  Still missing a real offensive identity, but no one can deny that this is the best defensive team in the league.

3. JUNTAO(2-1. next week vs. Ro-sen Ones) – the secret crime organization strikes this week for a win.  This team has never seen its intended starting five play together so they still have the potential to improve.  Rumor has it that Ricky Chan is out shooting daddies.

4. Ruckus(1-2, next week vs. Team Heartbreak) – a team that lack size but is proving to be a tough matchup with its unique style.  This team lives and dies with its perimeter shooting which mean it can defeat or be defeated by any team in the league at any moment. Ne

5. Fighting Violets(1-2. next week vs fade to black) – back to back losses after their opening win leave this team with question marks.  when will bigman jooho lee play.  kevin kim was found icing his body after taking another beatdown down low.  there were many bags of ice used.

6. Team Heartbreak (0-3. next week vs Ruckus).  every team makes the playoffs so this teams record doesnt really mean much.  Will this be the week they finally end their schnide?  In other news, Timo is apparently an excellent cook.

the most wonderful time of the year!

*disclaimer: the following post may come off as insensitive to woman.  if you feel that way, please feel free to email your complaints to hans.cho.spam@gmail.com.  responses may or may not come in a time span ranging from 4 years to never.  thank you!

welcome to november first.  its the first day in history that all 4 major sports(baseball, basketball, football, and WWF…ok hockey) will be playing on the same day.  what a great time to be a fan.  finally, the beloved yankees are back in the world series.  everyone loves playoff sports.  but we all know playoff sports brings out a dangerous creature: the girl sports fan.  many a lady has shown off their EPIC FAIL while trying to support a team, so here are some helpful tips to not piss off all the doods. (right now every yankee and girl philly fan reading this is now wondering this lol.) the obvious question may be why should girls care at all about pissing off doods?  well, we are just asking for this one.  honestly, we dont really care about most things during the year.  but playoff sports creates stress like no other.  even men pound the carbs during playoff sports.  ok so here we go:

1. dont’ bastardize the clothing of your team.

nyympijk

EVEN MARIANO RIVERA CANT SAVE THIS ONE.

Yankee pinstripes are beautiful.  Lakers Sunday White(i begrudingly admit) is beautiful.  Michigan’s blue and gold combo is beautiful.  pink uniforms are not beautiful.  let’s be honest. these are the only clothes most men care about.   dont bastardize them. it does not look cute.  it makes us want to gouge our eyes out.

2. Ask questions at the right time. Guys understand that girls dont understand all the workings of the game, and they are more than happy to answer any questions you have.  but be responsible.  time outs and commercials aren’t just for the teams.  baseball is the easiest sport to ask questions, basketball is the worst.  football is somewhere in the middle.  if you are watching hockey with a group of guys, then either A) you are candian b) you need new guy friends.

as a corollary to this

3. Don’t talk about how exciting the game is every five minutes.  yes we know the game is exciting.  we slaved through a crapload of crappy regular season games to get here.  you dont have to tell us.

4. if you are trying to comment on teams/players, make sure your facts are correct. last year after the hated lakers won the title, i read on facebook:

yessssssss lakers win.  lamar oden is my favorite.!

well lamar oden would also be my favorite because it would mean two of my favorites, lamar odom and greg oden somehow made a lovechild together.  but alas, this was not the case.

5. finally, the most universal rule: do not comment on the physical hotness of the players, especially scrubs.

lakers_bulls_basketball_400

NO MAN IN THE WORLD CARES ABOUT THIS PERSON. IN OTHER AMAZING NEWS, I SPELLED SASHA VUJACIC CORRECT THE FIRST TIME IN GOOGLING THIS PICTURE. FISTPUMP FTW!

 

i cant think of anything that is more annoying to the hardcore sports fans then hearing girls comment on how hot certain players are.  this annoyance increases 10000000000X when that player is a super scrub(like super scrub sasha pictured to the right). just please keep these thoughts to yourself.  there are some exceptions to this rule as some guys are so hot that even guys are like, yes he is so freakin hot.  of course, the best example of this is the Yankee Captain Derek Jeter, who is all kinds of delicious sexiness.  other examples are michael jordan, and arguably dwayne wade and tim tebow(both borderline).

so these are some simple guidelines that might help out.  if you are offended by them, i’ll just say “oops i did it again.” but are they really unreasonable?  lets say you were watching sexandcity/twilight/other favorite romantic style movie and this guy was like asking you questions every 5 minutes because he doesn’t understand why girls like vampires, and then he also comments on how freakin hot the girls are.  would you really like that?  i dont thikn so.

RWCBA Week 2:

*edit: if you are intersted in writing game recaps and/or taking pictures during games, please let me know. just leave a comment.

sup sports fans.  another great week of games in the RWCBA and congrats on the superawesome New York Yankees for returning to the World Series.  this league is shaping up to be super competitive with great games and great fans.  Thanks to all 10 of our fans out there, you guys are the best.  and lets give a shotout to the great commissioner who organized this league.  what a devestatingly handsome fellow(with a great PER to boot).

week 2 boxscores here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1:

Team Mark(47) – Team Sam (41)

Team Hero: Ronell John

ITS RAINING AGAIN.  UMBRELLA. ELLA. ELLA. EH EH EH.

ITS RAINING AGAIN. UMBRELLA. ELLA. ELLA. EH EH EH.

Stat of the Game: +8 point differential from the free throw line

Another great week one game that cemented Team Mark as the early favorites to win it all as well as showing that Team Sam should be a top contender as well.  A true contrast of styles with the team Sam showing the power of team work with team Mark showing the power of people who are just really good at basketball.  Ronell fueled the team Mark attack again, scoring 23 points and grabbing nine boards.  Team Sam showed that last week was no fluke with a strong effort led by benwallace clone kevin kim and tayshawnprince clone sam kwon.  both sides are missing key players as jooho has been crippled with the hardest injury to shake(ministry) while mark has been crippled with the second hardest(work).  rumor has it that mark is still training for the kumitae and looking for that elusive mcrib sandwich.  he is also worried about his big lips being chapped for the upcoming winter.  jon law and ray lee made successful debuts, repping the oldschool RWC.  they were rumored to go gang banging after the game since they are original gangstars.

Game 2 recap:

Team Dan(50) – Team Mark (45)

Team Hero: Lamont Chichester

a basketball player.  a beach model.  a scholar. a lover.  is there anything this man can not do? anything is posssssssssible

a basketball player. a beach model. a scholar. a lover. is there anything this man can not do? anything is posssssssssible

Game 2 showed how much difference one player can make in a league of poorly skilled out of shape asian guys.  team dan was bolstered with the return of Dan and having a full game of the most excellent Lamonster.  Meanwhile Team Mikey suffered the brutal loss of bigman Jung Suh to work, the nagging injury that will last all season long.  Jooheon Yoon rebounded from a so-so performance in game 1 with a strong 24 point 14 rebound effort, but also now carries the dubious distinction of being the first person to foul out in RWCBA history.  Team Dan was fueled by an 11-2 2nd half run with big 3s from The Mayor John Park and Dan.  Despite going to an intentional fouling system and hoping for poor free throw shooting, Lamont showed he is a cool cat and ended up finishing 8-13 from the charity stripe, helping the horrendous RWCBA league average in the process. Hans Cho made a jumpshot and girls cheered for him. Though he showed no emotion, internally he rejoiced.

Game 3:

Team Paul(33) – Team Jaemin(32)

Team Hero: Adam Eldridge

adam and the man who brought us adam.

adam and the man who brought us adam.

A game that featured the debut of Adam “skywalker” Eldridge, but turned out to be an intense defensive struggle to the end.  Adam jumped for the tip and the crowd oooohed.  he showed his athleticism with some nice rebounding and the crowd ahhhhed.  then basketball was played.  this game featured the first zone when team Jaemin showed off a nasty 3-2 zone that was difficult to break at times. Team Paul, however, was up tot he task unleashing a fierce man to man defense with great ball pressure from andy oh, jon kim, and adam.  This game saw pre-season favorite team jaemin drop to 0-2.  rumor has it that timo is searching for this reporter in order to deliver a booty kicking for delivering the sports illustrated jinx.

and now what everyone lives for, THE POWER RANKING:

1. Team Mark – steady at number one.  so far no team has had an answer for the perimter duo of ronell and andrew.  This team is still missing some nice bigs in mark and dongchul so they sky is the limit.

2. Team Paul – a very strong effort against the preseason favorites in a game which both teams wanted badly.  adam showed off incredible athleticism and overall this team has the potential to be the best perimeter defensive team in the league.  still some struggles at time on offense

3. Team Sam – finally some respect.  Team Sam showed that their smart low-TO approach is allowing them to stay in and grind out games.  This team is still awaiting top bigman Jooho’s debut, but he is currently searching for the best general tso’s chicken in midtown west.  In addition, this team will probably enjoy the most “homecourt” advantage through their rabid superfans.

4. Team Dan – a nice bounceback win.  this team showed off that it can be deadly from the 3 point line with a killer run in the second half.  A very non traditional team makes this one a tricky one to match up with, it’ll be interesting to see how they face off versus a strong perimeter defending team next week.

5. Team Mikey – A team with solid parts, but still lacking an identity offensively and defensively.  Not having bigman Jung will always hurt, but this team needs to figure out what its trying to accomplish as a team on both ends of the court.  Dave Park, please do not play lacross games before basketball.

6. Team Jaemin – the preseason favorites fall all the way to the bottom and still have not tasted sweet victory.  the road only gets harder as they face the undefeated team mark in week 3.  let’s not go crazy though, as this team has only lost by a combined 4 points in its first two games.  one or two tiny adjustments can lead to a nice victory.

RWCBA Week 1 Recap – make your freeeeeee throws(stanvangundy voice)

hello sports fans,

it was an exciting week one with great action in all the games.  let’s go to the recap.

boxscores here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1: Team Sam 38 – Team Jaemin 36

Game Hero: Sam Kwon

who mastered efficiency this week?  THIS GUY.

who mastered efficiency this week? THIS GUY.

Stat of the game: +10 TO differential for team Sam

What an exciting inagural game to the RWCBA.  The preseason favorites, Team Jaemin, took on the scrappy NYU Team lead by underrated superstar Sam Kwon.  Timo was dominant as expected, grabbing 14 rebounds, and almost singlehandedly outrebounding the NYU team.  Crazed NYU fans wagging their purple fingers, however, let to poor free throw shooting by Team Jaemin, a phenomenon that would be league wide throughout week 1. Team Captain Sam Kwon gave efficiency new meaning shooting 7-8 from the field, as well as 3-3 from 3 point land with 4 rebounds and 4 steals.  Powerhouse Kevin Kim showed why steroids paid off with a humongous block that riled the crazed superfans up.   When asked about his block after the game, Kevin replied “Well If i cant slam the ball after the games, I’m going to slam the ball in the games.”  poor basketballs, take cover my friends..  Kevin also provided the clutch buzzer beater tip in that provided the winning margin.  I hope you’ve learned your lesson.  Wheaties dont pay off my friends, steroids do.  all in all, an exciting game and a great start.

Game 2: Team Mikey 43 – Team Paul 41

Game Hero: Jung Suh

Another Jung Suh since I cant find a picture of the one in this league

Another Jung Suh since I cant find a picture of the one in this league

Stat of the game:  Team Mikey hit 3 more 3pointers which proved to be the difference.

Not to be undone by game 1, Teams Mikey and Paul battled hard till the bitter end with team Mikey pulling out another nailbiter.  Neither team led by more than 5 points at any point in the game, and the teams were separated by one possession for the majority of the time.  Despite being hobbled by a bad ankle from practicing dance moves by himself in his room, Jooheon Yoon was his usual efficient self leading the scoring attack with 15 points.  The real story, however, was the big sexy giant Jung Suh inside who somehow avoided both the work and parenting injury bugs to show why big men win basketball games(and girls).  Point guard Andy Oh led an efficient attack for Team Paul who was without the mysterious Adam Eldridge.  Just like the season premier of LOST, everyone eagerly awaits his arrival to see what this team will really be like.

Game 3: Team Mark(60) – Team Dan(46)

Game Hero: Ronell John

CHOCOLATE RAIN!

CHOCOLATE RAIN!

In a much anticipated game with many questions, only some of are questions were answered as Team Mark defeated Team Dan 60-46.  This was definitely a contest where the final score can be quite deceiving, as Team Dan was without point guard Lamont and struggled at times offensively in the first half.  Team Mark showed that they are a powerful force to be reckoned with, led by guard Ronnell who made all types of things rain, going off for 24 points and 11 rebounds. Benson George made his RWCBA debut, showing off solid hands and a nice finishing touch in the basket.  Team captain Mark was missing from this game.  Rumor has it that he in Thailand training for the next Kumitae and looking for a McDonalds that serves the McRib.

Power Rankings

1. Team Mark.  From worst to first baby.  Ronell led a powerful scoring attack that should only get better with Mark’s return.  The big question will be can any team stop all these weapons of mass destruction.

2. Team Jaemin- What a team that lost is still number two.  yes, we stil believe.  Aaron showed that he is an unstoppable offensive force, and we are assuming Timo will hit at least one free throw next week.  The return of Mike Oh and a more healthy Jaemin should bolster this squad.

3.  Team Mikey – a gritty win.  This team showed that if Jung is able to play, they will have a deadly inside force surrounded by lots of perimeter shooting.  They still haven’t reached their full offensive potential, but that potential may never be reached because Jung is both an investment banker and a father.  He might as well try to win the nobel peace prize because he obviously has a lot of free time.

4. Team Sam – A very impressive win over the preseason favorties, but still no respect from the pollsters as questions still remain.  It’s hard to imagine that Sam will shoot so well in the next game.  They’ll be playing team Mark next week, so let’s see if the purple violets can knock off another #1 team in the rankings.   Also rumors of random drug testing in this league cast doubt on how many games Kevin will be able to play.

5. Team Paul – Adam Eldridge where are you? Let’s just say one slam dunk can rocket this team to the top as well.  Will Andy Oh slowly get his point guard mojo back.

6. Team Dan – a gritty team that showed a lot of heart without some if its top players.  the major question mark facing this team is size inside.  We’ll know more when they have a full squad.

RWCBA – We got next (after those girls)

ahh autumn is here.  leaves are changing color.  the pangs of lonelienss are sharpened even more by cold weather.  pumpkin everything saturates the world.  in an attempt to make some money, ill be introducing pumpkin ramen, pumpkin pinkberry/redmango toppings and pumpkin chocopies.  no one can resist the evil schemes of bbans bo.

but everyone knows the best part of autumn is the return of basketball. and while next year’s nba season should be epic(259 days to lebron becomes a free agent and joins the NY knicks), we have the first season of the epic RWCBA league.  so let’s preview the teams:

team mikey:

starting 5:

pg: mikey choi/sg: dan choe/sf: joo heon yoon/pf: dave park/c: jung suh

subs: darren kwong, jason hsieh, hans cho, pat moon, ricky chan

single guys: mikey, dan, joo heon, dave, jason, pat

lonely single guys: hans and dan

real life comparison: houston rockets(with ron artest)

a team with a lot of offensive firepower but a lot of question marks.  Like the rockets, they are built around an unstoppable wing force(tmac/jooheon) and a fundamentally sound big man(jung/yao).  unfortunately like the rockets, their big man often misses time to injury(work or child).  this team also has two med students, so they may often be shorthanded, but at least theyll have good medical treatment in between games.  a high percentage of single men ensures that this team will probably play hard to impress the one or two ladies who actually watch these games.

in other news, the villain in rush hour 2 is ricky tan, not ricky chan just in case you were wondering about that like I was.  rumor has it that everytime ricky chan hits a basket, danchoe will be ripping his shirt off and taunting the other team with “ricky chan shot your dadddddddddddddy”

team jaemin:

starting 5: pg mike oh/ sg steve song/ sf aaron yip/ pf jaemin kim / c timo

bench: joon lee, jason chang, james juhn, jason yow, chris kim

players who are eeriely simlar to zydrunas ilgauskus: james juhn

real life comparison: san antonio spurs

a well constructed team built around a twin tower structure in jaemin and timo and the michigan backcourt of mikeoh and stevesong.  much like shaq, timo will be pretty much impossible to officiate in RWCBA.  basketball wise, this team will be going with the ufc pound and punish method, so as long as their guards can get the ball to their big men, they should be in good shape.  newcomer aaron has shown flashes of brilliance making this the most dominant frontcourt to begin the season.  the real heartwarming story of this team is the return of James Juhn from a busted shoulder, ministry, and marriage.  If James can overcome, these odds, then this reporter can believe in anything.  rumor has it this team’s season motto will be: win one for big z.

team paul:

starting 5: pg andyoh/ sg adam eldridge/ sf: jon kim/ pf: joe ng/ c paul lee

bench: fred lee/ al orn/ jeff fu/ rob lim/ gabe ting

player who asked if its ok to dunk during the games: adam eldridge

player who definitely will not be dunking during any game: andy oh

real life comparison: phoenix suns

RUN IT BABY. this team will be running the whole game.  led by an intelligent pass first point guard and an athletic front line, this team will be pushing the pace every chance they can get.  rumor has it that paul lee has already purchased 5 different outfits for each of the round robin games and joe ng will be debuting a new jersey.  this team has a total wildcard in adam eldridge, who recently asked if its ok to dunk during the game.  so im guessing this team will at least be semi-decent.  jeff fu has been attempting to grow the d’antoni porn stache for the past week but so far his attempts are unsuccessful. all in all, this team will be super unpleasant to play against.

team dan:

starting 5: pg lamont chichester/ sg john park/ sf clinton lee/ pf dan kim / c eugene park

bench: sam kim, david lee, walter shin, stephen cho, jonathan toh

players looking to become the single season rwcba 3 pt leader: dan kim, john park

real life comparison: golden state warriors

like the true original gangster he is, dan went with the all old school remnant ballers model in building his team.  it is possible that this team will shoot more 3’s than all the other teams combined as they have some some mad bombers in lamont and the mayor.  in the recent pre season scrimmage, dan cemented his donyell marshall reputation with a solid stat line of 10 shots taken, 9 of which were 3s with 10 rebounds.  this team is undersized, but should be able to make up for it with defensive effort and outside shooting.

team NYU(led by sam)

starting 5: pg: eric lum/ sg: mike chung/ sf: sam kwon/ pf: jooho lee/ c: kevin kim

bench: ben shim, john lee, sam chu, david ho

players using steroids: kevin kim

players with no strong nyu affiliation: jooho lee

real life comparison: a mixture of 90s knicks without ewing and 2000 pistons without chauncey. eh supertars, who needs them, we have a system.

sam kwon has chosen to build his team by choosing ex football players and NYU students.  unfortunately, this is a basketball league. BAZINGA.  haha i kid.   while this team lacks a true superstar, it has many serviceable players and should be able to play system basketball.   If Jooho can return to his previous form, this team has a chance to go far.   This team will be playing the most tenacious defense of any team in this league, as Kevin is no longer allowed to slam the ball after his team loses, so he will probably be punching players on his own team instead.  sorry fellas.  Rumor has it there also have been difficulties in finding a uniform to fit Kevin’s body. All in all, this is a sneaky team as they have many solid players who may be underrated in the eyes of others since they lack flash.  Sadly, this team did not choose purple as their team color.

team mark

starting 5(positoins unknown): mark ro, ronell john, andrew han, benson george, dongchul paek

bench: robert yi, jon law, brian suh, jon law

total unknowns: benson george, dongchul paek

real life comparison: spanish national team.

much like the spanish national team, team mark is a total mystery.  if they were the best team in the league, it would not be a surprise, nor would it be a surprise if they were the worst. This team has three solid offensive players in mark, ronell, and andrew and will be difficult to stop.  honestly, its hard to write a preview for a team of unknowns.

so there are the teams.  as for power poll for now i’ll go:

1. jaemin. the early favorites. intimidating front line.

2. paul. any team that has a guy who can dunk in a church league has to be ranked high.

3. mikey – lots of talent, but lots of question marks.  can the players make it to the games.

4. sam – a team with the potential to improve as the season proceeds if their players can run the systems effectively.

5. dan – lots of good players, but size may be an issue.  may be ranked higher if they show ablity to play post D and not get out rebounded

6. mark – the unknowns.  could be ranked first next week.

championship: Jaemin over Paul

mvp: timo

defensive player of the year: joe ng

rookie of the year: adam eldridge

commissioner of the year: hans cho

first team -rwcba

pg: andy oh

sg: lamont chichester

sf: sam kwon

pf: jooheon yoon

c: timo

BOTP – Beware Of This Person: a new blog series

sup party pepoles

so in an attempt to try to blog more reguarly, i’m gonna try to start up a few different running series of topics.  Today we’ll start with Beware Of This Person: people who you need to be careful of in life because they can quite easily lead you astray.

So today’s featured person we will politically incorreclty name: the starvin’ african child.  Why?  because this person(who ironically is usually a bit more on the cushiony side of life), makes EVERYTIHNG LOOK FREAKIN DELICIOUS WHEN THEY EAT.  EVERYTHING! But the sad reality is that this person actually just likes food so much that he voracioulsy wolfs everything down no matter how good or bad it really is.  Why does this matter to you in the long run?  Well gather around boys and girls and let me tell you a story: One day i went to hahmjibak(quality korean restaurant) with a bunch of people including (predieting) minnow.  Everyone ordered classic dishes(kalbitang,ddukkuk,bibibamp,jjigaes) etc except minnow who ordered something a bit more obscure that I had never heard of before.  While I enjoyed my kalbitang like I usually do, Minnow absolutely freakin destroyed his dish.  Wowsers.  So naturally I took note of what he ordered and then tried it the next time i went.  and guess what? not that good.  sooo dissapointing.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.  and that’s the power of the starvin’ african child.  he can lead you astray from your money food choices because of his simple power to make anything look delicious.  BUYER BEWARE!!!!!

real life examples: dave hong, kevin kim, paul lee, pre-diet minnow, many girls with dessert related items:

also a noted corollary to this person:    if you are out to eat at a new restaurant where everyone is forced to try a new dish, and a usually very gregarious person suddenly stops talking during dinner, there is probably a 90-95% certainity that this person has found the money dish and just doesnt want to share with anyone.

till next time, stay sexy my friends.

On Kareoke: A Treatise by Sir Hansbeeebbans the Fourth, Earl of Kentucky Fried Chicken

The following is a treatise on how one shoudl go forth in maximizing enjoyment at a kareoke establishment.  By no means do I profess to be an expert on such subject, but am simply humbly offering observations that I have made.

1. Thou shall receive enjoyment at kareoke in two ways: Through the performance of song and sometimes dance and the observation of the performances of others.  However, it is important for us to note that the vast majority of one’s time is spent observing others, which leads us to:

2. Think of others while you choose songs and perform.  If we go to kareoke and am solely concerned with my own enjoyment, it is quite possible that I will only enjoy 5-10% of the time that I am there.  If I am mindful of the overall crowd mood and energy, than it is quite possible for all of us to have fun 100% of the time. Related to this idea:

3. Thoughts on song selection:

A. if you do not know rap songs, dont pick them:  “anyone can rap” – typical emorocker boy.  guess what?  that’s far from true.  rapping actually requires rhythm and flow.  And it’s not so easy to read lyrics when they are blazing across the screen and you dont know how the song goes.  If you dont believe me, go try to rap bombs over Baghdad without practicing.

B. dont be creepy. this includes choosing overtly sexual songs.  Few people can pull this off correctly without sending chills down people’s spines(the wrong kind of chills).  We want Usher to make it nice and slow, not you.  This also includes being a guy and singing teenage girl pop songs. sorry brah, but it’s jsut weird.

C.  if you’ve recently broken up with someone, avoid break up songs.  It is the ultimate mood killer.  We feel for you friend, but lets  not bring that into the kareoke room. Let’s forget our problems for 2 hours and have a rockin good time.

D. Korean friends, lets not sing korean songs if our non-korean friends are there.  There are plenty of fine american jams to choose from.  It is quite boring to sit through someone singing jibberjabber.

E. Give other people a chance.  Sharing is caring.  No one wants to hear the same person sing 4 songs in 30 minutes.

4. As our friend the Rock says, know your role:

A. SUPERDIVAS – please dont go for fake humility.  everyone wants to hear you sing, just sing.  SING FOR THE MOMENT.

B. FUNNYMAN – everyone appreciates your comments.  They add a lot to the kareoke experience.but dont interrupt the superdiva to try to steal their spotlight.  just sit there and enjoy.

c. EMO ROCKER – Don’t be emo.  dont kill the mood.  dont sing a song that makes everyone wanna off themselves.

D. AVERAGE OR BELOW AVERAGE GIRL SINGER – sorry but you take the worst of it at kareoke.  if you’re a sucky guy, somehow its quite amusing.  If you are a sucky girl, no one finds it funny.  Instead, everyone just sits around and waits for you to finish.  By no means does this mean you shouldn’t sing, just dont wait for a great crowd response.  it really sucks and im sorry.  Buy yourself a drink before the singing starts.

simple rules for good times.  Till next time, stay sexy my friends.

Get Rich or Die Tryin’

hey brudders!

so its a tough economy out there, but no worries, i’ve been scheming some get rich ideas these past few months.  so let’s see what ppl think.  if you steal these ideas and become superrich, please at least buy me a pizza and a pair of hyperdunks.  thanks.

1. electronic board game table: this is inspired by those old school pool/airhokcye/pingpong kinda tables.  everyone loves board games.  no one can agree on which game to play.  and no one wants to set up or clean up.  what’s the solution?  Create an electronic toushcreen table taht has every considerable board game known to man loaded into it(settlers, monopoly, bohanzna, connect4, chess, etc etc).  that way, theres no setup or clean up.  also its pretty easy to add wireless internet to this badboy so you can always find people with if no one’s around.

2. christian romance novel series: what kind of books sell.  romance books. christian books.  so what will sell the most?  christian romance novel series.  very easy and simple to write, and can easily be drawn out to like a 40 volume series.  multiple dtrs, breakups, getting back togethers.  and then we can spin off for movies, soundtracks etc.  of course, i would write this series under some generic penname:  perhaps john kim.  yeah go try googling john kim.  SUCKA.  and of course if our series is starting to fail, what will we do.  We will reveal that our main guy character is a VAMPIRE! OMG PLOT TWIST.  thats actaully the reason why this bad boy doesnt come out to church on sunday mornings i dunno why but girls seem to get the hots for the vampires.

3. basketball camp for AzN 20 somethings – lots of asians nerds like to play basketball.  sadly, they never got a chance to go to bball camp after being forced to attend the same exact SAT class 5 summers in a row(insert bitter hans face pic here).  consequently, they lack fundamentals and basic understanding of the game.  so easy solution.  run like one or two week basketball camp for these peeps who love bball but just suck .  Who would the counselors/teachers be?  hrmm, where can we find a lot of bankrupt ex nba players.  oh wait, thats like half of the nba.  are you telling me you wouldnt wanna go to SHAWN KEMP ASIAN BASKETBALL CAMP.  you’re signing up right now.

4. Fantasy Sports Accountability Site – pretty simple idea.  ppl love fantasy sports because its the closest they’ll ever be to being a real GM.  its impossible to start a fantasy info site at this point.  but, where’s the site that actually take these guy’s predictions and let you know how accurate they are.  let’ see who good these so-called experts are.

5. Dress Swap – how many of us are/know the girl who has to go to 11 weddings this summer and has 2 dresses? sorry ladies, theres only so many different shawls you can wear over your dress before ppl notice its the SAME EXACT ONE.  and if you borrow from one from the same circle of friends, guess what?  WHO WORE IT BETTER is knocking on your door. so what’s there to do?  enter dresss swap, where girls can post dresses theyre willing to trade. hire 2 or 3 experts who know the retail value of dresses.  post a $250 dress, get $250 of credit to work with.  no more dress problem.

LETS MAKE IT RAIN.

Sourpatch BFG

Timo PF/C # 33 Brazil

The BFG! (the little boy is andyoh)

The BFG! (the little boy is andyoh)

Star Comparisons

Nene,Kaka, Yao(sports stars known only by one name), Lamar Odom(siiiick consumption of candies), Tim Duncan(usually stoic/awkward with spurts of playfulness and charm), Wayman Tisdale, Bernie Williams (sports musicians), Shaq/Dwight Howard(classic bigman manchild), BFG(big friendly giant baby!),Eli Manning(has well known facial expression), Matthew Berry/Brandon Funston(excels at fantasy sports), albert chung, melisssa hijioka(asians with confusing last names that look like one asian race, but are actually another).

Hey Brudder!

its been a while since ive blogged. apologies to the ten people out there who have been feverishly refreshing their google readers.  anyway not only is the fourth of july coming up, but it’s also timo’s wedding.  a quick scan of the registry shows that the happy couple did not request a Timo rwc player profile as one of their gifts, but i’m sure thats a mistake so let’s proceed.

A BFG prowls the cage at ps111(soon to be ps 191).  Much like the original BFG, Timo goes about collecting the dreams of the ballers running around.  Unlike his predecessor, however, he quickly crushes their dreams with his superior big man game.  Known for his thunderous left handed driving lay up and neverneding sequence of offensive rebound tips to himself, Timo is the one of the few classic big men that exist in RWCNBA.  Like all big men, he needs skilled outside shooting to space the floor and deft passing to get him the ball in proper position in the post.  However, both of these skills do not exist, which often lead Timo to be frustrated and flash the classic Timoface.  It may seem that Timo may not be exerting 100% effort at all times, but this is merely an energy conservation system which he has mastered, as shown by his burts of explosisions during pivotal plays of each game.

Timo’s talents are by no means limited to the basketball court.  A skilled baseball player, Timo stole 28 bases during his high school career.  Rumor has it that he is also a skilled dodge ball player(unconfirmed by this blog).  And by no means his talent limited to athletics.   A truly skilled musician, many a lady(and dood) have swooned over his piano playing and smooooth voice.  OOOOH YEAHH SOOO SMOOTH.  sorry pigeons, go away, cuz this BFG is spoken for.   While Timo’s musicianship and athleticism are quite nice, his true amazing talent is his ability to eat incredible amounts of candy.  Rumor has it that the foodnetwork is setting up their candyman challenge where Timo will face off against lakers foward lamar odom to see who can eat more candy.  Former #1 pick Michael “candyman” olowakandi will officiate since he sucks at basketball and now needs every dollar he can get.

Where will Timo’s career go from here?  The man truly is at a crossroads(cue bone thugs and harmony song, not brittney spears).  Soon to be happily married, will he be able to avoid the ultimate injury(a wife that says no)?  Rumor has it that he’s already met with now savvy veterans albert, ben and mumbles who have been able to avoid this injury  Even more worrisome, however, is the EPA.  Taking a cue from the PETA/Mike Vick incident,  crazed environmentalists have decided to picket RWCNBA games due to Timo’s excessive use and abuse of napkins.  One EPA official was quoted as saying that “trees have feelings and they are being killed”.  Timo could not be reached for comment.

Recap:

-true big man with ability to finish with both hands.  offensive rebounding monster.

-looks like a big man, but a playful child inside.  loves candy.

-getting married on july 4th.  CONGRATS!!!!

best ways to defend:

-goad other players on his team to stand next to him and ruin spacing

-invite 40 other doods to play ball and hope that he constantly misses free throws

if all else fails:

-go to local stores and buy out all candy.

classic timo face

classic timo face

Towers over buildings.

Towers over buildings.

Powerup before the game?  Not candy, but it'll do.

Powerup before the game? Not candy, but it'll do.

training in the copuera on the beaches of brazil.

training in the copuera on the beaches of brazil.

Goodbye Muscles! (props if u know the reference)

Goodbye Muscles! (props if u know the reference)

some ppl were uniforms on the court.  some ppl were them off the court.

some ppl were uniforms on the court. some ppl were them off the court.

timo with another excellent blog writer.

timo with another excellent blog writer.

don’t hate the player, hate their fans

With the upcoming NBA finals including the detestable los angeles lakers, this gets me going about things that just have the most insufferable fans.  as a warning, a lot of this will just come off as complaining.  but who cares cuz its my blog.  WAHOO SUCKA.  now, let’s consider some things that these fan bases have in common:

1. clouded by illogical thinking.  can not be reasoned with.

2.  excessive hubris and sense of entitlement

3.  becomes even more insufferable when clumped with others of their kind.

4. has small legitimate base of true fans, but also lots of bandwagoners when things are going well.

ok here we go(in no particular order):

1. Lakers fans – sorry this group of people are incredibly annoying.  They become even worse for those of us who live on the east coast cuz then you get the double whammy of lakerslakerslakers as well as uhh west coast is so much better than east coast blahblahblah.  if its so much better, why are you here?  just go back! seriously, we wont mind. Also, doesany fanbase have a bigger bandwagon? Is there anyone out there who hasn’t been innundated via facebook/gchatstatus/twitter messages about the lakers from their fans, especially fans who haent said anything all season?  And for some reason, this fanbase also has a large portion of two of my big sports pet peeves: 1. guys who dont know anyting about sports 2. girls who make dumb comments during games and also say things like total scrub like sasha vujajickjfadf is soooo cute.   as a preemptive strike, i will say this fan base is impressive that it may have the most girls who are actually true fans so i salute you.   another big negative for this fan base is they openly support a rapist and a psychopathic candy eater(although i have to admit i would support the rapist if he were a Knick and i love candy).

2. Duke basketball nerds – a long time ago, when the hansbbans was but a wee little totter, he enjoyed watching duke basketball.  but later he realized that this team gets all the calls, and their fans dont know anyting about basketball.  instead they like to jump up and down a lot.  to make matters worse, this team has some of the most detestable players in recent years including gaygay reddick, carlos boozer, the angry drunkard and greg paulus.  The final cherry on top is that this team has a brilliant coach so theyre never out of it.  My hatred for this fan base become infinitely worse after becoming friends with the TECH.

3. yankees fans – sorry if the shoe fits, wear it. its very easy to see why yankee fans are hated.  they watch a game with a twins fan and they say snide remarks like: “”oooh i cant wait for joe mauer to be a free agent”  (i actually said this to somoene just today!) or they’ll remark if zack greinke will be able to handle the pressures of new york with his social anxiety issues.  The complain about their backup catcher situation to fans of the pirates and marlins.   They also have an incredibly polarizing figure to captain their team, the superhunk Derek Jeter!!! OMG DEREK JETER!!!!!!!!!!!!  all he does is get paid millions of dollars to play a sport and go out with the hottest chicks ever.  His list includes:

Mariah Carey(pre-skank pre crazy)

Jordana Brewster(vrooom)

Vanessa Minnillo(hot mtv veejay)

Adrianna Lima

Jessica Alba

Scarlett Johannsen

Jessica Biel

and currently Minka Kelly.

all i can say is wow.  if he’s on your team you love him; if not you hate him and his fans.

4. Twilight lovers – admittedly i dont know that much about twilight, but im tired of hearing about this stupid series.  How can so many girls fall in love with a vampire??? it is mind boggling.   I’m sorry vampires are not real.  go find a real boy friend who can hang out with you duirng the day and can put garlic on his burger.  Right now, a small group of girls is planning how to kill me while remarking how their sensitive boyfriend vampire would never say such jerk things.  oh well.

5. Apple Fanboys – the final group on our list might be the worst.  These people are by far the most difficult to reason with.  By no means do I hate on apple as a company.  their job is to make money, and brand loyalty makes money.  But their fans, for the love, please get a grip. I’m pretty sure if Apple made Apple Toilet Paper(which they could call Donkey to go wiht their animal theme), these fans would buy it.  let’s consider:

A. How can a company get away with saying: hey you’re not smart enough to figure out how to use this product, so lets dumb it down for you and charge you extra monies for it?  Shouldn’t this be incredibly insulting?

B. the reason why these things have no spyware/virus etc isn’t cause they’re superior computer. it’s more like no one really cares about giving a 50 year old grandman a virus.  if apple ever had an actual important marketshare of computers, these things would get lambasted with viruses and spyware.

C. These fans will never kill apple, even when they do retarded things.  Firsgen iphone has no cut and paste?  Are you serious? These are the kinda things that you should get killed for.

D. they recommend apple to everyone without considering circumstances.  Would i ever tell funko to buy an apple? no, cuz A. he has no money B. he knows how to use a computer very well.  C. he has absolutley no monies.  Very simple.

That said, their products are very visually pleasing and there are times where I wish to buy them.  But i liken this to when you see this really fine lady, and youre like oooh that lady is fine, but then she does something craaaaaazy and youre like oooh maybe not.

A special shotout to the TECH, who is a yankee fan, a duke fan, and uses apple products.  Rumor has it that he also likes to dress like the vampire in twilight.

if there’s any fans that are annoying the crap out of you, please feel free to comment!