THIS BLOG IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS

sup party pepoles

so in an attempt to try to blog more reguarly, i’m gonna try to start up a few different running series of topics.  Today we’ll start with Beware Of This Person: people who you need to be careful of in life because they can quite easily lead you astray.

So today’s featured person we will politically incorreclty name: the starvin’ african child.  Why?  because this person(who ironically is usually a bit more on the cushiony side of life), makes EVERYTIHNG LOOK FREAKIN DELICIOUS WHEN THEY EAT.  EVERYTHING! But the sad reality is that this person actually just likes food so much that he voracioulsy wolfs everything down no matter how good or bad it really is.  Why does this matter to you in the long run?  Well gather around boys and girls and let me tell you a story: One day i went to hahmjibak(quality korean restaurant) with a bunch of people including (predieting) minnow.  Everyone ordered classic dishes(kalbitang,ddukkuk,bibibamp,jjigaes) etc except minnow who ordered something a bit more obscure that I had never heard of before.  While I enjoyed my kalbitang like I usually do, Minnow absolutely freakin destroyed his dish.  Wowsers.  So naturally I took note of what he ordered and then tried it the next time i went.  and guess what? not that good.  sooo dissapointing.  YAAAAAAAAAAAAAR.  and that’s the power of the starvin’ african child.  he can lead you astray from your money food choices because of his simple power to make anything look delicious.  BUYER BEWARE!!!!!

real life examples: dave hong, kevin kim, paul lee, pre-diet minnow, many girls with dessert related items:

also a noted corollary to this person:    if you are out to eat at a new restaurant where everyone is forced to try a new dish, and a usually very gregarious person suddenly stops talking during dinner, there is probably a 90-95% certainity that this person has found the money dish and just doesnt want to share with anyone.

till next time, stay sexy my friends.

The following is a treatise on how one shoudl go forth in maximizing enjoyment at a kareoke establishment.  By no means do I profess to be an expert on such subject, but am simply humbly offering observations that I have made.

1. Thou shall receive enjoyment at kareoke in two ways: Through the performance of song and sometimes dance and the observation of the performances of others.  However, it is important for us to note that the vast majority of one’s time is spent observing others, which leads us to:

2. Think of others while you choose songs and perform.  If we go to kareoke and am solely concerned with my own enjoyment, it is quite possible that I will only enjoy 5-10% of the time that I am there.  If I am mindful of the overall crowd mood and energy, than it is quite possible for all of us to have fun 100% of the time. Related to this idea:

3. Thoughts on song selection:

A. if you do not know rap songs, dont pick them:  “anyone can rap” – typical emorocker boy.  guess what?  that’s far from true.  rapping actually requires rhythm and flow.  And it’s not so easy to read lyrics when they are blazing across the screen and you dont know how the song goes.  If you dont believe me, go try to rap bombs over Baghdad without practicing.

B. dont be creepy. this includes choosing overtly sexual songs.  Few people can pull this off correctly without sending chills down people’s spines(the wrong kind of chills).  We want Usher to make it nice and slow, not you.  This also includes being a guy and singing teenage girl pop songs. sorry brah, but it’s jsut weird.

C.  if you’ve recently broken up with someone, avoid break up songs.  It is the ultimate mood killer.  We feel for you friend, but lets  not bring that into the kareoke room. Let’s forget our problems for 2 hours and have a rockin good time.

D. Korean friends, lets not sing korean songs if our non-korean friends are there.  There are plenty of fine american jams to choose from.  It is quite boring to sit through someone singing jibberjabber.

E. Give other people a chance.  Sharing is caring.  No one wants to hear the same person sing 4 songs in 30 minutes.

4. As our friend the Rock says, know your role:

A. SUPERDIVAS – please dont go for fake humility.  everyone wants to hear you sing, just sing.  SING FOR THE MOMENT.

B. FUNNYMAN – everyone appreciates your comments.  They add a lot to the kareoke experience.but dont interrupt the superdiva to try to steal their spotlight.  just sit there and enjoy.

c. EMO ROCKER – Don’t be emo.  dont kill the mood.  dont sing a song that makes everyone wanna off themselves.

D. AVERAGE OR BELOW AVERAGE GIRL SINGER – sorry but you take the worst of it at kareoke.  if you’re a sucky guy, somehow its quite amusing.  If you are a sucky girl, no one finds it funny.  Instead, everyone just sits around and waits for you to finish.  By no means does this mean you shouldn’t sing, just dont wait for a great crowd response.  it really sucks and im sorry.  Buy yourself a drink before the singing starts.

simple rules for good times.  Till next time, stay sexy my friends.

hey brudders!

so its a tough economy out there, but no worries, i’ve been scheming some get rich ideas these past few months.  so let’s see what ppl think.  if you steal these ideas and become superrich, please at least buy me a pizza and a pair of hyperdunks.  thanks.

1. electronic board game table: this is inspired by those old school pool/airhokcye/pingpong kinda tables.  everyone loves board games.  no one can agree on which game to play.  and no one wants to set up or clean up.  what’s the solution?  Create an electronic toushcreen table taht has every considerable board game known to man loaded into it(settlers, monopoly, bohanzna, connect4, chess, etc etc).  that way, theres no setup or clean up.  also its pretty easy to add wireless internet to this badboy so you can always find people with if no one’s around.

2. christian romance novel series: what kind of books sell.  romance books. christian books.  so what will sell the most?  christian romance novel series.  very easy and simple to write, and can easily be drawn out to like a 40 volume series.  multiple dtrs, breakups, getting back togethers.  and then we can spin off for movies, soundtracks etc.  of course, i would write this series under some generic penname:  perhaps john kim.  yeah go try googling john kim.  SUCKA.  and of course if our series is starting to fail, what will we do.  We will reveal that our main guy character is a VAMPIRE! OMG PLOT TWIST.  thats actaully the reason why this bad boy doesnt come out to church on sunday mornings i dunno why but girls seem to get the hots for the vampires.

3. basketball camp for AzN 20 somethings – lots of asians nerds like to play basketball.  sadly, they never got a chance to go to bball camp after being forced to attend the same exact SAT class 5 summers in a row(insert bitter hans face pic here).  consequently, they lack fundamentals and basic understanding of the game.  so easy solution.  run like one or two week basketball camp for these peeps who love bball but just suck .  Who would the counselors/teachers be?  hrmm, where can we find a lot of bankrupt ex nba players.  oh wait, thats like half of the nba.  are you telling me you wouldnt wanna go to SHAWN KEMP ASIAN BASKETBALL CAMP.  you’re signing up right now.

4. Fantasy Sports Accountability Site – pretty simple idea.  ppl love fantasy sports because its the closest they’ll ever be to being a real GM.  its impossible to start a fantasy info site at this point.  but, where’s the site that actually take these guy’s predictions and let you know how accurate they are.  let’ see who good these so-called experts are.

5. Dress Swap – how many of us are/know the girl who has to go to 11 weddings this summer and has 2 dresses? sorry ladies, theres only so many different shawls you can wear over your dress before ppl notice its the SAME EXACT ONE.  and if you borrow from one from the same circle of friends, guess what?  WHO WORE IT BETTER is knocking on your door. so what’s there to do?  enter dresss swap, where girls can post dresses theyre willing to trade. hire 2 or 3 experts who know the retail value of dresses.  post a $250 dress, get $250 of credit to work with.  no more dress problem.

LETS MAKE IT RAIN.

Timo PF/C # 33 Brazil

Star Comparisons

Nene,Kaka, Yao(sports stars known only by one name), Lamar Odom(siiiick consumption of candies), Tim Duncan(usually stoic/awkward with spurts of playfulness and charm), Wayman Tisdale, Bernie Williams (sports musicians), Shaq/Dwight Howard(classic bigman manchild), BFG(big friendly giant baby!),Eli Manning(has well known facial expression), Matthew Berry/Brandon Funston(excels at fantasy sports), albert chung, melisssa hijioka(asians with confusing last names that look like one asian race, but are actually another).

Hey Brudder!

its been a while since ive blogged. apologies to the ten people out there who have been feverishly refreshing their google readers.  anyway not only is the fourth of july coming up, but it’s also timo’s wedding.  a quick scan of the registry shows that the happy couple did not request a Timo rwc player profile as one of their gifts, but i’m sure thats a mistake so let’s proceed.

A BFG prowls the cage at ps111(soon to be ps 191).  Much like the original BFG, Timo goes about collecting the dreams of the ballers running around.  Unlike his predecessor, however, he quickly crushes their dreams with his superior big man game.  Known for his thunderous left handed driving lay up and neverneding sequence of offensive rebound tips to himself, Timo is the one of the few classic big men that exist in RWCNBA.  Like all big men, he needs skilled outside shooting to space the floor and deft passing to get him the ball in proper position in the post.  However, both of these skills do not exist, which often lead Timo to be frustrated and flash the classic Timoface.  It may seem that Timo may not be exerting 100% effort at all times, but this is merely an energy conservation system which he has mastered, as shown by his burts of explosisions during pivotal plays of each game.

Timo’s talents are by no means limited to the basketball court.  A skilled baseball player, Timo stole 28 bases during his high school career.  Rumor has it that he is also a skilled dodge ball player(unconfirmed by this blog).  And by no means his talent limited to athletics.   A truly skilled musician, many a lady(and dood) have swooned over his piano playing and smooooth voice.  OOOOH YEAHH SOOO SMOOTH.  sorry pigeons, go away, cuz this BFG is spoken for.   While Timo’s musicianship and athleticism are quite nice, his true amazing talent is his ability to eat incredible amounts of candy.  Rumor has it that the foodnetwork is setting up their candyman challenge where Timo will face off against lakers foward lamar odom to see who can eat more candy.  Former #1 pick Michael “candyman” olowakandi will officiate since he sucks at basketball and now needs every dollar he can get.

Where will Timo’s career go from here?  The man truly is at a crossroads(cue bone thugs and harmony song, not brittney spears).  Soon to be happily married, will he be able to avoid the ultimate injury(a wife that says no)?  Rumor has it that he’s already met with now savvy veterans albert, ben and mumbles who have been able to avoid this injury  Even more worrisome, however, is the EPA.  Taking a cue from the PETA/Mike Vick incident,  crazed environmentalists have decided to picket RWCNBA games due to Timo’s excessive use and abuse of napkins.  One EPA official was quoted as saying that “trees have feelings and they are being killed”.  Timo could not be reached for comment.

Recap:

-true big man with ability to finish with both hands.  offensive rebounding monster.

-looks like a big man, but a playful child inside.  loves candy.

-getting married on july 4th.  CONGRATS!!!!

best ways to defend:

-goad other players on his team to stand next to him and ruin spacing

-invite 40 other doods to play ball and hope that he constantly misses free throws

if all else fails:

-go to local stores and buy out all candy.

With the upcoming NBA finals including the detestable los angeles lakers, this gets me going about things that just have the most insufferable fans.  as a warning, a lot of this will just come off as complaining.  but who cares cuz its my blog.  WAHOO SUCKA.  now, let’s consider some things that these fan bases have in common:

1. clouded by illogical thinking.  can not be reasoned with.

2.  excessive hubris and sense of entitlement

3.  becomes even more insufferable when clumped with others of their kind.

4. has small legitimate base of true fans, but also lots of bandwagoners when things are going well.

ok here we go(in no particular order):

1. Lakers fans – sorry this group of people are incredibly annoying.  They become even worse for those of us who live on the east coast cuz then you get the double whammy of lakerslakerslakers as well as uhh west coast is so much better than east coast blahblahblah.  if its so much better, why are you here?  just go back! seriously, we wont mind. Also, doesany fanbase have a bigger bandwagon? Is there anyone out there who hasn’t been innundated via facebook/gchatstatus/twitter messages about the lakers from their fans, especially fans who haent said anything all season?  And for some reason, this fanbase also has a large portion of two of my big sports pet peeves: 1. guys who dont know anyting about sports 2. girls who make dumb comments during games and also say things like total scrub like sasha vujajickjfadf is soooo cute.   as a preemptive strike, i will say this fan base is impressive that it may have the most girls who are actually true fans so i salute you.   another big negative for this fan base is they openly support a rapist and a psychopathic candy eater(although i have to admit i would support the rapist if he were a Knick and i love candy).

2. Duke basketball nerds – a long time ago, when the hansbbans was but a wee little totter, he enjoyed watching duke basketball.  but later he realized that this team gets all the calls, and their fans dont know anyting about basketball.  instead they like to jump up and down a lot.  to make matters worse, this team has some of the most detestable players in recent years including gaygay reddick, carlos boozer, the angry drunkard and greg paulus.  The final cherry on top is that this team has a brilliant coach so theyre never out of it.  My hatred for this fan base become infinitely worse after becoming friends with the TECH.

3. yankees fans – sorry if the shoe fits, wear it. its very easy to see why yankee fans are hated.  they watch a game with a twins fan and they say snide remarks like: “”oooh i cant wait for joe mauer to be a free agent”  (i actually said this to somoene just today!) or they’ll remark if zack greinke will be able to handle the pressures of new york with his social anxiety issues.  The complain about their backup catcher situation to fans of the pirates and marlins.   They also have an incredibly polarizing figure to captain their team, the superhunk Derek Jeter!!! OMG DEREK JETER!!!!!!!!!!!!  all he does is get paid millions of dollars to play a sport and go out with the hottest chicks ever.  His list includes:

Mariah Carey(pre-skank pre crazy)

Jordana Brewster(vrooom)

Vanessa Minnillo(hot mtv veejay)

Adrianna Lima

Jessica Alba

Scarlett Johannsen

Jessica Biel

and currently Minka Kelly.

all i can say is wow.  if he’s on your team you love him; if not you hate him and his fans.

4. Twilight lovers – admittedly i dont know that much about twilight, but im tired of hearing about this stupid series.  How can so many girls fall in love with a vampire??? it is mind boggling.   I’m sorry vampires are not real.  go find a real boy friend who can hang out with you duirng the day and can put garlic on his burger.  Right now, a small group of girls is planning how to kill me while remarking how their sensitive boyfriend vampire would never say such jerk things.  oh well.

5. Apple Fanboys – the final group on our list might be the worst.  These people are by far the most difficult to reason with.  By no means do I hate on apple as a company.  their job is to make money, and brand loyalty makes money.  But their fans, for the love, please get a grip. I’m pretty sure if Apple made Apple Toilet Paper(which they could call Donkey to go wiht their animal theme), these fans would buy it.  let’s consider:

A. How can a company get away with saying: hey you’re not smart enough to figure out how to use this product, so lets dumb it down for you and charge you extra monies for it?  Shouldn’t this be incredibly insulting?

B. the reason why these things have no spyware/virus etc isn’t cause they’re superior computer. it’s more like no one really cares about giving a 50 year old grandman a virus.  if apple ever had an actual important marketshare of computers, these things would get lambasted with viruses and spyware.

C. These fans will never kill apple, even when they do retarded things.  Firsgen iphone has no cut and paste?  Are you serious? These are the kinda things that you should get killed for.

D. they recommend apple to everyone without considering circumstances.  Would i ever tell funko to buy an apple? no, cuz A. he has no money B. he knows how to use a computer very well.  C. he has absolutley no monies.  Very simple.

That said, their products are very visually pleasing and there are times where I wish to buy them.  But i liken this to when you see this really fine lady, and youre like oooh that lady is fine, but then she does something craaaaaazy and youre like oooh maybe not.

A special shotout to the TECH, who is a yankee fan, a duke fan, and uses apple products.  Rumor has it that he also likes to dress like the vampire in twilight.

if there’s any fans that are annoying the crap out of you, please feel free to comment!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL CHOI!!! YOU ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE:

John “The Mayor” Park  #11B  SG University of Michigan

Star comparisons:

Fred Hoiberg(the mayor), Sean Casey(the mayor), Ed Koch/Blomberg/Dinkins/JerrySpringer(mayor), Mr. Miyagi(Master of the Crane), Brent Barry/Robert Horry (wily veteran), Lebron James/Magic Johnson (fun and loved by teammates),David Beckham(OCD need to have things clean), Mikey Choi(Voice Twin),

Crane City, Japan – KONICHIWA!   In anticipation of the newly formed RWCNBA summer league(which is reportedly being organized by a dashing fellow), i’ve decided to learn at least one basketball skill.  And what skill better to start with than the jump shot?  And everyone knows there’s only one person to learn the jump shot from: the JPizzle, the mayor of crane city.  it’s where MJ, kobe, and lebron all went when they realized they needed the jump shot to elevate their games to the next level.  JJ Reddick traveled here as a young teenager, and was susbsequently attacked by the Kobra Cai, but was ultimately saved by the Mayor’s crane.  And sweet shooters like Larry Legend and Pistol Pete now reside here in peaceful harmony.

The first thing I learned from the Mayor was the importance of footwork in the jump shot.  While many people have seen the Mayor in action on the dance floor of weddings, few people realize that he’s actually practicing his footwork for his jumpshot.  and derives no enjoyment from dancing.  While many a lady has tried to get up close and dance with the mayor, he sees them simply as defenders on the court which is why he often eludes them with quick spins and sidesteps. To this day, he still hones his impeccable footwork on the dance floor, making him paritcualry deadly during the wedding season.

The mayor is a particuarly unifying force within his team.  His arsenal of jump shots is only matched by his treasure chest of one liners, which his teammates often find to be HEH HILARIOUS!  Often found yelling encouragement to teammates, the mayor is definitely a boost for team morale and is a safe bet to be re-elected for several terms.  Rumor has it that he’s been brought in to work with Kobe Bryant, but his efforts so far have failed because Kobe is a scumbag and a rapist.  Defintely not the mayor’s fault.

Of course like every player in the RWCNBA, the mayor is not without his flaws.   There have been times where he has refused to step out onto the court because its absolute filth clashed with his OCD cleanliness.  He routinely gets injured around February/March(tax season) and battles the other common injury that belagues most players known as ministry.  An avid golfer and recreational soft ball player, some have questioned the mayor’s passion for hoops but we know that his true loe is the corner 3.

recap:

-great jump shot

-good teammate, often helps teammates relax and have fun.  encourages others.

-doesnt like the paint

Best ways to defend:

1. ask for company to be audited

2. try to get him pissed off and hope he crane kicks you and gets a T

if all else fails

3. break into his apt and make a huge mess.  take pictures and show him before the game.

Happy Birthday Andy5! Since the best present of all(killing your associates and blowing your office building up) will land me in the slammer, i’ll provide the next best thing.  reading material about basketball.  WAHOOO.

Michael “The Chef” Choi, PG/SG/SF/PF/C  #69  The French Culinary Institute

Star comparisons:

Kevin Durant(only body, not skill), Stephen Curry(owns his jersey, not his skill), Lamar Odom/Jerry Stackhouse/Andrei Kirilenko (versatility), rafer alston(and1 ball skills and flair),Nikoloz Tskitishvili(basketball clone), Chen Kenichi/Hiroyuki Sakai(asian iron chefs), rocco dispirito/dave lieberman(incredibly sexy chefs!), Dave Grohl/ringo Starr(rockstar drummers), john park(voice)

DO YOU SMELLLLLLLL WHAT THE CHEF IS COOKING???????  Many times its a dizzying array of 3’s, steals, blocks, rebounds, and jumpers.While many ballers in RWCNBA only excel at one(or sometimes no) facet of the game, the Chef shines as a truly versatile player, hitting a 3 on one play and the guarding a much bigger man down in the post on the very next possession.  It’s ok, because secretly the Chef loves really big men.  BIG ONES.  His love for big men is only eclipsed by his love of sports, especially basketball.  The CHEF is always down to play, and often fights through nagging injuries to his ankle and wrist.  However, his will and basketball heart may soon be broken when Lebron James leaves his beloved Cleveland Cavs and leads the New York Knicks to 10 straight nba titles.

The Chef grew up on the rough streets of Cincinnatti where he learned how to take it the streets.  You know how he likes it baby, straight hoood.  There he beat the odds and went to college . As shown by his wardrobe, the Chef attended many ncaa universities including north carolina, oregon,illinois, the ohio st.  At each school, he added one facet to his repetoire, leading to the versatility that he wows his opponents with today.  But it was ultimately his last school, the french culinary institute, where his basketball skills shined, leading the cooks to a division 11 title.  Rumor has it that he blocked 8 shots against the institue of culinary education in the championship(unfortunately, all the blocks were against girls).

The versatility of the chef is in no way limited to just the court.  His typical Sundays including jamming on the drums, dominating on the basketball court, dazzling the ladies at starbucks, and cooking delicious quesadillas.  really delicious quesadillas.  ooooh yes.  However, versatility has it costs.   Can a man of many tricks truly master one?  Time will tell.

Recap:

-incredibly versatile.  like the potatoes that he cooks.

-tries to play basketball the right way after being more of a showboat early on in his career

-truly loves basketball, especially shorts and sneakers.

weaknesses:

-often damages crucial portions of hand while cooking

-teammates can be fooled by fake pics called out by his voice twin JP(to be profiled in the future)

-has body of skinny teenage boy.

BEST WAY TO DEFEND:

1. schedule praise band practice during games

2. ask him to cook for surprise birthday parties of friends

IF ALL ELSE FAILS:

3. ask john park to leave skeevy messages on people’s voicemails imitating mikey to get him in trouble.

okay everyone, sorry for the long break between posts.  as suspected, its difficult to blog regularly, but gonna try to get back on the horse again.  and with hopes of trying to blog more regularly, im gonna try to expand the writing topics a bit.  no worries, rwc scouting reports will still be written in the future.

anyway, i love sports and i love conspirancies, and i really love the yankees.  so lets’s combine all of those and come up with my new conspiracy theory:

Arod is gay.  like literally gay.

now if i ever make it as a famous sports blogger,  someone will probably find this post and i’ll be in deep doodoo.  oh wells.  now with my loyal readership of ten pepole, i dont need too much worry abt slander and totally defaming someone.  so here we go!

arod as an individual makes no sense.  What great athlete has been this insecure? (people who wanna say arod is not great and is all roids are being dumb).  he totally acts like someone who cant handle media scrutiny and is hiding some big secret.  what could that big secret be? realistically, there aren’t many options.  Being gay, however, is onre conceivable one, especialy since the gay community would be willing to hide that kind of secret. also lets consider:

1. arod is obssessed with derek jeter, to an almost unnatural level.  The two were once really great friends but then had a huge falling out.  What could have been the cause of that fallout?  how bout good ol arod admitting his feelings to his good old pal derek. You can totally see derek jeter being WTF and just ending their friendship right there.  conversely, you can also see arod ordering boras to get him to the yankees anyway possible so he can win derek back.  I can just picture Arod working out after his hip surgery thinking, “C’mon alex! Work harder.  Derek needs you!!!”

2. arod has incredibly bad taste in woman and had to used hookers?  how is this possible for a major league athlete, let alone a good looking superstar?  Even someone who looks like patrick ewing gets to date the hotties just by his athlete status. and supposedly, he was a big fan of manly hookers.  uhhh manly hookers?? why???

3. arod’s steroeotypical gay slap of bronson arroyo’s hand in game 7 of the 2004 alcs.  embarassing.

4.  Would any straight man take this picture???

If arod did turnout to be gay, think abt how well his tellall book would sell.  GAY-ROD: confessions of a major league gay-mo with the first line being: I was a third basemen on the field, but a catcher off it(credit to jp for this line).   he would also instantly becoming the most galvanizing figure in sports.

also watching champions league today, i have to say that christiano ronaldo would make the perfect gay lover for arod.   they would just have that walk around holding hands with buffed chests and tight jeans in chelsea look.

so that’s my first sports conspiracy theory and im sticking to it. if it turns out  to be true, i would have no problems rooting for Arod.  I just wanna see a world champion again. LETS GO YANKEES!!!

sup everyone.  gonna fire up another question that i pondered abt after a dinner with terri and funko.  dont worries, sports blogging will continue.  anyway,

would you rather date someone who:

A: has incredibly annoying habits that bother your closest friends.  things like the way they eat their food, their laugh, their voice intonation.  your friends like your sig other and these are not character flaws.  however, these characteristics annoy them to the point where they will not go out of their way to spend time with you as a couple.

B: has behavior which deviates drastically with groups of people than when you guys are alone together.  you do not mind the person your significant other is with groups of people, but you definitely like the solo version a lot more.

as always, please give reasoning for your answer.  gracias!

Kevin Kim, MLB/DE #54  Milburn Senior High School.

Star comparisons:

Clearance Weatherspoon(body type), Jeff Adrien, Julius Peppers(football player playing basketball), Chong Li from bloodsport(CHEST), Gaston from beauty and the beast(CHEST), The Incredible Hulk, Lenny from Of Mice and Men(penchant for cute things despite large size).

The most commonly used phrase during the NFL/NBA draft is tremendous upside potential.  It is used to describe players who have just began to scratch the surface of how good they can be on the basketball court.  Few players in RWCNBA have the tremendous upside potential of Kevin Kim.  Naturally a football player, Kevin has just begun to learn the ins and outs of basketball.  He still often reverts back to football mode, especially when there are loose balls to be had and Middle Linebacker Kevin tackles the first person he sees.  A truly tenacious competitor, Kevin often scares the crap out of the team with his bouts of anger.  Unfortunately, his own teammates are also having the crap scared out of them so the advantage gained by his team is minimal.

While not necessarily the tallest player, Kevin still is an effective post player due to his plus strength and aggression as well as his BARREL CHEST.  His body, however, is not without limitations.  While his inverted triangle body does well to make the ladies(and some doods) swoon, having chicken legs with a huge top is not the most ideal basketball body.  Furthermore, his huge pectoral region often interferes with his shooting motion, reducing his effectiveness from the outside.

Kevin’s improved play on the court, however, has not come without controversy.  Other baller in the PS111 cage claim that he is roiding it up with HGH and another anabolic steroids.  For evidence, they point to his uncontrollable fits of rage which are often taken out on poor basketballs at the end of losses.  When I asked Kevin about these claims, he took his shirt off and shook his pecs at me, a move which he taught to Chong Li and was later used in Bloodsport.  After further probing him and asking him if I could inspect his posterior for possible injection marks, he got even madder, turned green and then threw me into a trash cash.  Egads, the cost of investigative journalism.

Off the court, Kevin is quite the gentle soul.  He enjoys long walks on the beach, playing with babies and watching the extended two disc version of the notebook.  He also enjoys spending time with his girlfriend Gina(when she is not busy hanging out with Paul or Mikey).

Recap:

-STRONG LIKE A BULL.  MUSCLES LIKE WOAH! BIG ONES!

-Makes up for bad footwork and finess around basket with increased effort

-Fierce on the court, gentle off it

-Built to play sports, not read books

-Still learning how to play basketball, but improving.

Best Ways to Defend:

1. Post flyers for fake free lunches.  A true sucker for eating.

2. Flirt with Gina during games in order to incite him into Incredible Hulk mode.

And if all else fails…
3. Import Danny Lee back from Korea.  Kevin will be unable to resist and end up attacking him physically.  Document the attack carefully and submit to league office and ask for suspension.  rinse and repeat.

Interesting Fact: Kevin can crush a soda can between his pecs.