THIS BLOG IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS

so written on my facebook wall:

Stephanie Yang:  happy bday! your pens will be here soon!

then received via facebook:

NAME DELETED FOR PROTECTION. December 21 at 10:50am
haha… that birthday message that steph wrote you, I glanced at it and read it as “your penis will be here soon”. Scared the crap outta me. hahah

RWCBA is in mayhem! Why? Because the Ruckus has been delivered.

finals box score: http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Team Ruckus continues its magical playoff run and pulled off its biggest upset, beating the previously unbeaten Rosen Ones 60-56.  A team that sturggled mightly during the regular season, Team Ruckus put on a dazzling display of team basketball on both ends of the court.  Playoff MVP Lamont Chichester continued to show THE FIRE that great players display and finished with a dazzling 25 pts, 4 rebs, 2 assts, 4 steals with no turnovers.  Regular season MVP Ronell John was just as strong with 26 pts 3 rebs 3 assts and 1 steal and was simply unstoppable in the second half.  In fact, he was so unstoppable, Citizen watches announced today they’re dropping Eli Manning as their sponsor in favor of the RWCBA star.

Team Ruckus’s strong play, however, was able to overcome the two man duo of Ronell and Dongchul.  In a season marred with absolutely turrrrrible free throw shooting, team captain Dan Kim showed his steller veteran leadership by sinking two key free throws at the end of the game to put things out of the reach.  All in all, a great game to end a great season.  Congrats to team ruckus! Rumor has it that they’ll be joining Kevin Garnett in the next ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!! campaign.  For those interested in the Sports Illustrated commemorative champion TEAM RUCKUS edition, please give $1,000 to Hans Cho the next time you see him.  Your issue will be delivered sometime in the future.

So now what?  for those of you hungry for RWCBA action, fret not my friends.  RWCBA is pleased to announce its offseason DVD series.  inspired by Kobe Doin Work, RWCBA has hired (church)award winning movie producer and head of Greenleaf productions Jon Law for our own <insertname> doin work series. future movies include:

Andy doin’ work:  after quiting his ibanking job, Andy Oh aimlessly wanders the streets of Manhattan with his new found free time.  then determined to win next season’s championship, he begins training with his new puppy winston, running along the river.

Paul doin’ work: brutally disappointed with his team’s semifinal lost, Paul begins his 1,000 squats a day program.  Also inspired by these wise words from jersey shore: “Your bank account can be low, but you always gotta look fresh.  always gotta have new kicks and a fresh haircut”, Paul will be documented buying a new pair of Reebok PUMPS to further increase his vertical.

Jung doing’work: this dvd just features jung at work.  sorry.

Andrew doin’ work: heartbroken after his team’s final loss, andrew han returns to his native canada for some soul searching.  inspired  to improve his game, he curls for 8 hours a day to improve his hand-eye coordination. then after watching rocky IV, he runs up mountains and lifts rocks to improve his physical conditioning.

jooho doin’ work: this dvd just features jooho at church meetings. sorry.

jooheon doin’ work: in the final and most emotional documentary of the series, jooheon has an emotional breakup with his true love: ramen.  The opening scene shows jooheon rummaging through the trash for the ramen that he had previously thrown out as his body tries to fight through ramen withdrawal. warning to all, this dvd is not for the faint of heart.

as for RWCBA, we are hiring!  please apply in the comments:

custodian/ballboy: the floors are slippery, so RWCBA is looking for a qualified custodian to help wipe the floors during the games.  this job provides unparalleled access to RWCBA action.  applicants will be asked to display the waxon/waxoff technique performed by Daniel-son in the karate kid. rumor has it this was current RWCBA commissioner Hans Cho’s first job in his rise to his current position.

sideline reporter: do you want to be the next erin andrews?  next year, RWCBA will try to have interviews with players before and after games.  Applicants must have a strong grasp of the english language as well as personal hygiene. Ugly people need not apply.

bookie: people are dying to lay some action on these exciting RWCBA games, so we are looking for a qualified bookie to handle our gambling action.  Applicants must have read Tim Donaghy’s “personal foul”.  Applicants will also be asked to succesfuly beat up Kevin Kim.  If you cant collect your debts, you won’t be a good bookie.

all in all, thanks everyone for a great season.  till next time!

PARTY PEOPLES! It’s the week we’ve all been waiting for: the RWCBA Championship Game.  This past week, Rosen Ones once again exerted its offensive dominance while the magical ride of team Ruckus sees no end.  it’s a true Cinderella matchup between the first and last seeds from the regular season.  Ballers everywhere have been inspired by team ruckus, and RWCBA commissioner is in furious negotiations with Disney for the TV movie rights which will be airing on the lifetime network.  Highlights of the movie include john park’s “no one believes in us”, a shower acapella scene with walter, and clinton losing his desire to play ball followed by the obligatory “your team needs you speech” by dan. actors who have contacted to play in this stellar film include bi, john cho, lee byung hyun rick yune, and yul kwon as these are the only remotely famous asian men. after his epic performance in ninja assassin, bi will not be given any speaking lines.  aspiring actor doug kim is hoping to use this movie as a springboard to his career. The rosen ones are going to be portrayed as the second coming of Cobra Kai from the karate kid, led by ruthless Canadian gang leader andrew han.  sorry, but every movie needs a villain. keep your eyes out for this movie.

before we preview this week’s championship game, lets recap what happened last week:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

game 1: rosen ones(63)  vs. JUNTAO(50)

in the end, the rosen ones just had too much firepower for JUNTAO.  frequently injured fowards Dongchul and Benson were able to play, leaving rosen ones only missing pinklion mark ro from being in full vultron form.  JUNTAO again suffered from injuries as big man Jung was spending time with his best friend Microsoft Excel and guard mikey suffered from an actual real life injury.  Jooheon Yoon proved worthy of his First Team selection, pouring out 38 pts with 10 rebs but ultimately did not receive enough help to overcome the young guns of the rosen ones.  ray lee proved that LASEK works with a solid effort, and mvp ronell was his usual excellent self.

game 2: team ruckus(49) vs. fade to black(31)

The RUCKUS continues baby as fade to black suffers a disappointing end to its season.  Right now, team ruckus is uber-dangerous as they are playing strong team basketball and getting contributions from across the board.  While Fade to Black continued to play strong defense, their season-long offensive woes finally caught up to them as they struggled to score in the 2nd half.  PG Andy Oh was inspired by Ron Artest and was seen out celebrating a birthday the night before and struggled to find his legs for his jump shot.  Captain Dan Kim hit a backbreaking 3 pointer in the 2nd half that put the nail in fade to black’s coffin.

CHAMPIONSHIP PREVIEW: ROSEN ONES VS. TEAM RUCKUS

while one reader of this blog requested a basketball breakdown of this game, this blog is going to breakdown what matters. lets go:

team names:

rosen ones or ruckus.  rose ones wins on creativity, but also gets a negative mark for being shamelessly self promoting.  ruckus is actually does what a name is supposed to by describing the way this team plays defense.  advantage: RUCKUS

individual names:

rosen ones: cool names: ronell, dongchul benson.  boring names: andrew, mark brian, jonathan,

ruckus: cool names: lamont, clinton, walter boring names: dan, john, stephen, david   advantage: PUSH

medical care:

rosen ones: andrew the dentist and two med school students in dongchul and benson

ruckus: physical therapist clinton  advantage: ROSEN ONES

WAGs (wives and girlfriends)

rosen ones: pui, haein, juliawang lee

ruckus: jenwhang kim, linda lee, mia joo,

a very hard calll to make.  as the RWCBA continues to look for sources of income, rumor has it that a WWF 3 vs. 3 cage match is scheduled between the WAGs.  No one wants part of ghettofab Pui, although there are also rumors that linda lee is a robot and not a human being.  negative points to rosen ones as instead of watching her man dominate on the courts, haein instead has lured mark down under for this week’s game.  advantage: Ruckus

Canadians:

rosen ones: andrew han

ruckus: none.  advantage: RUCKUS

pretty self explanatory here.  no one likes canadians.

so there we have it.  our championship preview.  this one is up in the air folks.  can ruckus overcome the ferociousness of WAG Pui?  Can the rosen ones overcome having a canadian on their team?  We can only wonder till this sunday.

hello sports fans.  its been quite some time.  since our last update, the RWCBA regular season ended, and two teams saw their dream of RWCBA glory die.  we are nearing the end of the dream, and the final battle will soon be on our hands.  speaking of final battles, is there a greater final battle than NINJA ASSASSIN?  what a quality picture with some quality writing including: “That breath will be my first” and “tree no have heart”.   thank you BI for not being able to speak engslih and trying to dominate the english speaking market.

as for week 5, some teams won and some teams lost. It did signify the end of the regular season, which means, AWARDS! so here we go:

RWCBA First Team
pg: andy oh

sg: ronell john

sf: aaron yip

pf: jooheon yon

c: timo

RWCBA Second Team

pg: Lamont Chichester

sg: Ben Shim

sf: Sam Kwon

pf: Mark Ro

c: kevin kim

MVP: ronell john

defensive player(on steroids) of the year: Kevin Kim

commissioner of the year: Hans Cho

superfan of the year: alison chen

scorekeeper of the year: john park

timekeeper of the year: melissa hijioka

blogger of the year: Hans Cho

it was a great inagural season.  thanks to all for the great memories.  now w’ere on to….PLAYOFFS! PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS!!!!!

Round 1:

stats: http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Team RUCKUS 48 – Team Heartbreak 47

Team Hero: Lamont Chichester and John Park

UPSET SPECIAL BABY!!!!!  This game exhibited two classical sports team conditions.  After a strong end to the regular season, Team Heartbreak fell victim to the looking ahead to next week syndrome, assuming that victory against team ruckus who struggled down the stretch.  on the other hand, TEAM RUCKUS rose to the occasion and played the deadly “no one believes in us card”.  Led by a firey Lamont and an outside hibachi bonanza from the Mayor John Park, team ruckus showed a fire and a determination not to lose that has yet to be seen in RWCBA. The magical journey has begun.  DONT STOP BELIEVING.

JUNTAO (42) – NYU Fighting Violets (38).

Team Hero: Joo Heon Yoon

A game that can be summarized with one stats: Joo Heoon Yoon 5 assists.  In a game where both teams struggled to score in the half court, the fast break combo of Joo Heon to Dave Park created enough easy baskets for JUNTAO to pull out the victory.  Dave Park continues to have puzzling pre-game rituals which so far have included playing a 2 hour lacross game and biking for one hour in previous weeks.  Rumor has it that he has decided to stay up for 40 straight hours and then climb bear mountain before this week’s game.  Kevin Kim finished his season strongly with 15 points and 9 rebs, and was finally allowed to vent his frustration by slamming a ball now that the threat of season suspension no longer exists. unable to deal with the sorrow of losing, kevin proceeded to purchase the cutest dog in the world.

This week’s games: THE FINAL FOUR!

rosen ones vs. juntao – the unstoppable force(ronell) meets the unmovable object(jooheon).  which superstar can carry his team to the promise land?

fade to black vs. team ruckus –  the defense of fade to black versus the perimeter attack of team ruckus.  fade to black struggled for a half against ruckus in their first matchup before pulling the win out.  will team ruckus be able to match the fire and intensity the showed in week 1?

hello sports fans!  sorry again for the delay, but this reporter is still enjoying the recent victory of the NEW YORK YANKEES.  we wont be having any commissioner updates this week as he is busy meeting with jimmy rollins who is considering a career change after his abysmal performance and has recently applied to play in RWCBA.  rumor has it that the application is denied.  week 4 of rwcba created history yet again, both good and bad.

week 4 stats:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1: Team Heartbreak (43) – Team Ruckus (30)

Finally, the pre-season sports illustrated curse is over as Team Heartbreak gets its first win of the season.  They were led again by the two-pronged offensive attack of Aaron and Timo, who scored 14 and 11 points respectively. Team Captain Jaemin continues his resurgence with 6 points and 9 rebounds.  when asked how his team finally got off the schnide, jaemin revealed his motivational techniques: “To get ready for the game, I’ll make my team listen to Mariah’s heart breaker and watch jennifer love hewitt’s movie heart breakers.” a team who is truly embracing their identity.  Team Ruckus continues to lie and die by its outside shooting and this week proved to be an off week.

Game 2: Rosen Ones(30) – JUNTAO (12) conceded at halftime.

not much to say here as this game was over before it even began.  Members of the crime-syndicate JUNTAO were too busy with other affairs to play basketball and the team only fielded five players and had to concede at halftime due to injuries. Next week, the Rosen Ones should be tested as they play the hot Fade to Black and JUNTAO should be back to full strength.

Game 3: Fade to Black(48) – Fighting Violets(41) in overtime.

easily the game of the week, this game created several historical landmarks, including the first overtime game in RWCBA history.  It was also the first game altered decisively by fouls as Jon Kim, Paul Lee and Kevin Kim all fouled out.  Coincidentally, some of these players have been accused in the past of violent sports tempers and roid rage.  ben wallace clone Kevin Kim was again given superstar treatment in the 2nd half, prompting accusations of league corruption.   The commissioner’s office chose not to respond to these allegations.  Sam Kwon hit an impressive game tying 3 at the buzzer, propelling this game into overtime.  lets just say he has BIG ONES.  In overtime, however, the fighting violets were not able to overcome the loss of Kevin to fouls, giving up key offensive rebounds.  Fade to Black has bounced back strongly after its opening week loss and next week battles Rosen Ones for the regular season championship.  Will the Fighting Violets ever see Jooho Lee play?

POWER POLL:
1. Rosen Ones(4-0, next week vs. Fade to Black).  Yankee Comparison: Mariano Rivera.

Right now this team is just going out and getting the job done, much like beloved Yankee Closer Mariano Rivera.   With a win next week, this team can lock up the #1 seed going into the playoffs.  Either way, they are insured of a bye.  Until proven other wise, the favorites to win the championship, but next week’s game against fade to black should prove to be good.

<–For now , no one’s been able to touch this team, especially jimmy rollins.

2. Fade To Black(3-1, next week vs. the Rosen Ones).  Yankee Comparison: Mark Texiera

A team that has not tasted defeat with their starting squad, Fade to Black remains strong at the number two spot this week despite a scare from team NYU.  While their offense sputters at time, their defensive effort always remains strong much like the most excellent yankee first basemen.  Next week proves to be the biggest game of the regular season when this team faces top seed Rosen Ones for a battle of regular season supremacy.  In other sports news, mark teixiera is said to be in a heated battle with Knicks power foward Danillo Gallinari in the first annual douchebag faced athletes tournament.

<– defense wins championships.  so does money.

3. Team Heartbreak(1-3, next week vs. JUNTAO) Yankee comparison: Alex Rodriguez

A 1-3 team as #3?  Yes, because it seems like this team might finally be reaching its enormous potential.  The previous losses were oh so close, much like Arod’s warning track flyballs in previous playoff years.  hey if arod can be clutch in the playoffs, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!  a team that no one wants to face in the playoffs.  taking various cues from AROD,  jaemin has been dating a washedup kpop movie star to improve his mental attitude, timo has been sailing on a boat around jersey city, and mike oh has recently commissioned a painter to create a halfcentaur/halfman portrait that he can place above his bed.

<—- if this man can come through in the playoffs, then this team can win RWCBA.

4. JUNTAO (2-2, next week vs. Team Heartbreak) Yankee comparison: AJ Burnett

a team that remains inconsistent due to injuries much like the yankees #2 starter.  the good can be really good, but the bad can be really bad as shown by this past week.  in the end, this team could go all the way or throw out a klunker performance.  no one really knows.  Next week’s matchup against Team HEARTBREAK should also prove to be interesting as it faces a team that many chose as the preseason favorites. which JUNTAO will show up?

<– will JUNTAO be celebrating at the end of the season by pieing each other?  only time will tell.

5. Team Ruckus(1-3, against FIGHTING VIOLETS) Yankee Comparison: Andy Pettite

A team of RWC veterans, Ruckus is currently living and dying by its outside shooting, much as andy pettite now lives and dies by the effectiveness of his cut fastball.  Everyone knows that these RWC vets are incredibly crafty with a full bag of tricks that can produce a victory at any moment.  Taking cues from andy pettite, john park and captain dan kim have recently called Brian McNamee for some “cream’ that might aid in muscle development and shorten injury recovery time.  With a playoff system thats one and done, no one wants to play team that can light it up from the three point line.

<– RUCKUS, capable of picking you off at any moment, just like this man.

6. Fighting Violets(1-3, against RUCKUS).  Yankee comparison: Johnny Damon

currenlty on a three game losing streak after its initial win, the Fighting Violets still show the scrappiness and toughness that johnny damon does at the plate.  Much like Johnny, they have been battling the injury bug as star pf jooho lee has yet to suit up the game.  however, speaking with this team’s players, they seem to have gotten over the initial disappointment and are now rallying around their loss a la the 99 knicks or the 2008 houston rockets who lost ewing and yao.

<- will battle and battle until they get you.

hello sports fans!  sorry for the delay, but this reporter has been busy trying to pretend that he is part of the yankees press core so he can get ever closer to derek jeter.  alas, failure.  but no worries, we had another great week of RWCBA and we have an exciting interview with the RWCBA commissioner.  He’s agreed to take time from his busy TV watching schedule to speak with us. here’s the exclusive now:

RWCBA blog: commissioner, thanks for taking time to speak with us.

commish: no problem insignificant blog writer.  RWCBA exists for its 20 fans, so im happy to oblige.

blog: i’m sorry to start our interview this way, but i received an anonymous tip that star kevin kim received teh superstar treatment detailed by tim donaghy here:  http://deadspin.com/5392067/excerpts-from-the-book-the-nba-doesnt-want-you-to-read.  how do you respond to these allegations?

commish: thats just ridiculous.  RWCBA referees are the finest that asian basketball has to offer.  they go through a rigorous training process that puts jcvd’s kumitae training in bloodsport and rocky’s training in rocky IV to shame.  The reffing could not be better.

blog: okay thanks for clearing that up.  are there any truth to rumors that the season will end with a GCCBA vs RWCBA all-star game.  how will this affect RWCBA superstars that came up in the GCCBA ranks.

commish: i can not confirm or deny those rumors as of now.  however, the GCCBA commissioner is quite a dashing fellow.  one of the most eligible chinese-american christian auditor of casinos out there.

blog:  duly noted.   in week 2, you were seen sitting in the prime box seats with star PWC auditor John Park.  Is there any chance of corporate sponsorship coming anytime soon?

commish: I was there simply as a guest and to enjoy the great seats that PWC currently owns at PS 111.  However, we are currently in negotiations for some corporate sponsorship between Mee’s Chinese  Food, Pan Real Thai, Pan Real Thai Encore, Pan Real Thai: Back Again and Pan Real Thai: THATS RIGHT YOURE GONNA EAT THAI THIS WEEK WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.  so i’m gonna say we’re gonna be sponsored by a thai restaurant.  keep your eyes pealed out for the upcoming drunken noodle commercials with timo and ronell.  the subway 5 dollar jingle will have nothing on us.

blog: is it true that youre working for free?

rwcba: its true, but i do it for the fans, so i dont mind.  i will, however, accept any home cooked meals(from girls only).

blog: ok that’s all for now. thakns commish.

rwcba: anytime.

onto the recaps.  week 3 stats here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1: Team Ro-Sen Ones (41) Team heartbreak (39)

Team Hero:

Another heartbreaking loss for Team heartbreak as Team Ro-Sen Ones continues its undefeated romp through RWCBA.  Ronell continues his dominance with 18 pts, 14 rebs, 4 assists, 1 steak, 1 block, and one cheering pui.  ”Thats my Boo!!!!!”  was heard throughout the gym as the chocolate rain came showering down.  The gazelle Mark Ro finally made his RWCBA debut.  Initially, off to a slow 0-5 start from the field, when the Gazelle found that games were being live streamed to australia, his play picked up and he finished with a strong 13 pt 7 reb 3 steal 2 block effort. Team heartbreak finds new and imaginative ways to lose each week, and sports a minuscule 5 point differential in 3 losses.  Timo was strong in defeat with 16 pints and 11 rebounds, and it seems to be only a matter of time before this team’s luck turns around.  Rumor has it that after this game MikeOh was seen using the itune autotune app. “Basketball how could you be so heartlesssssssss”. Team Ro-sen Ones remain the favorites to win season 1 of RWCBA but of course, there is still much basketball to be played.  They do, however, have a strong hold on worst team name.

Game 2: Fade To Black(55) – Ruckus (43)

Team Hero:Andy Oh

A game of swings that saw Ruckus jump out to a 8 point lead in the first half but ended up with Fade to Black ending with a 8 point victory.  Point Guard Andy Oh was rumored to be watching allen iverson tapes this past week, and the effects showed as he finished with a strong 20 points with 0 assists and 4 turnovers.  somewhere, gilbert arenas and devin harris are rejoicing.  Team Ruckus was propelled in the first half by the half human/half robot clintron-3000.  While other teams have complained that having a robot with a chiseled body is unfair, the fact remains that RWCBA remains an experimental league where almost anything goes.  Lamont Chichester propelled a strong defensive effort by Ruckus by taking larceny to new levels with a season(and thus league record) high six steals.  However, lack of flow in the half court offense ultimately ended the Ruckus and ensured that they would fade to black.

Game 3: Juntao(47) – Fighting Violets(35)

Team Hero: Jooheon Yoon

A game that featured a huge swing before tip off when big man Jooho Lee was sidelined another week , delaying his much awaited debut, and Jung Suh decided to play through his ever nagging injury(investment banking).  The Fighting Violets had little answer for Jooheon Yoon who finished with a strong 22 points and 7 rebounds. Juntao was happy to see David Park’s recreational lacross league finally end and have him chip in a strong 12 points while shooting an unbelievable 4 from 4 from the free throw line, thereby raising the abysmal league FT shooting percentage.  The Fighting Violets were shorthanded with only six players, and Ben Shim did his best to keep his team in the hunt with 13 points including three 3 pointers.  This is the second week in a row that Ben’s shooting percentage has risen as he tries to shed his stephen jackson stereotype.  Will week 4 see ben shoot 50%?  Will jooho ever play?  Will Kevin’s body ever stop growing?  Tons of questions surround this team right now.

The Power RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK.

1. Ro-Sen Ones(3-0. next week vs. JUNTAO).  Still undefeated and bolstered by the return of their team captain.  They face a depleted JUNTAO next week so it should be an easy road to 4-0.

2. Fade To Black(2-1. next week vs Fighting Violets) – back to back wins with strong defensive efforts have helped this team rise to number two in the poll.  Still missing a real offensive identity, but no one can deny that this is the best defensive team in the league.

3. JUNTAO(2-1. next week vs. Ro-sen Ones) – the secret crime organization strikes this week for a win.  This team has never seen its intended starting five play together so they still have the potential to improve.  Rumor has it that Ricky Chan is out shooting daddies.

4. Ruckus(1-2, next week vs. Team Heartbreak) – a team that lack size but is proving to be a tough matchup with its unique style.  This team lives and dies with its perimeter shooting which mean it can defeat or be defeated by any team in the league at any moment. Ne

5. Fighting Violets(1-2. next week vs fade to black) – back to back losses after their opening win leave this team with question marks.  when will bigman jooho lee play.  kevin kim was found icing his body after taking another beatdown down low.  there were many bags of ice used.

6. Team Heartbreak (0-3. next week vs Ruckus).  every team makes the playoffs so this teams record doesnt really mean much.  Will this be the week they finally end their schnide?  In other news, Timo is apparently an excellent cook.

*disclaimer: the following post may come off as insensitive to woman.  if you feel that way, please feel free to email your complaints to hans.cho.spam@gmail.com.  responses may or may not come in a time span ranging from 4 years to never.  thank you!

welcome to november first.  its the first day in history that all 4 major sports(baseball, basketball, football, and WWF…ok hockey) will be playing on the same day.  what a great time to be a fan.  finally, the beloved yankees are back in the world series.  everyone loves playoff sports.  but we all know playoff sports brings out a dangerous creature: the girl sports fan.  many a lady has shown off their EPIC FAIL while trying to support a team, so here are some helpful tips to not piss off all the doods. (right now every yankee and girl philly fan reading this is now wondering this lol.) the obvious question may be why should girls care at all about pissing off doods?  well, we are just asking for this one.  honestly, we dont really care about most things during the year.  but playoff sports creates stress like no other.  even men pound the carbs during playoff sports.  ok so here we go:

1. dont’ bastardize the clothing of your team.

Yankee pinstripes are beautiful.  Lakers Sunday White(i begrudingly admit) is beautiful.  Michigan’s blue and gold combo is beautiful.  pink uniforms are not beautiful.  let’s be honest. these are the only clothes most men care about.   dont bastardize them. it does not look cute.  it makes us want to gouge our eyes out.

2. Ask questions at the right time. Guys understand that girls dont understand all the workings of the game, and they are more than happy to answer any questions you have.  but be responsible.  time outs and commercials aren’t just for the teams.  baseball is the easiest sport to ask questions, basketball is the worst.  football is somewhere in the middle.  if you are watching hockey with a group of guys, then either A) you are candian b) you need new guy friends.

as a corollary to this

3. Don’t talk about how exciting the game is every five minutes.  yes we know the game is exciting.  we slaved through a crapload of crappy regular season games to get here.  you dont have to tell us.

4. if you are trying to comment on teams/players, make sure your facts are correct. last year after the hated lakers won the title, i read on facebook:

yessssssss lakers win.  lamar oden is my favorite.!

well lamar oden would also be my favorite because it would mean two of my favorites, lamar odom and greg oden somehow made a lovechild together.  but alas, this was not the case.

5. finally, the most universal rule: do not comment on the physical hotness of the players, especially scrubs.

NO MAN IN THE WORLD CARES ABOUT THIS PERSON. IN OTHER AMAZING NEWS, I SPELLED SASHA VUJACIC CORRECT THE FIRST TIME IN GOOGLING THIS PICTURE. FISTPUMP FTW!

 

i cant think of anything that is more annoying to the hardcore sports fans then hearing girls comment on how hot certain players are.  this annoyance increases 10000000000X when that player is a super scrub(like super scrub sasha pictured to the right). just please keep these thoughts to yourself.  there are some exceptions to this rule as some guys are so hot that even guys are like, yes he is so freakin hot.  of course, the best example of this is the Yankee Captain Derek Jeter, who is all kinds of delicious sexiness.  other examples are michael jordan, and arguably dwayne wade and tim tebow(both borderline).

so these are some simple guidelines that might help out.  if you are offended by them, i’ll just say “oops i did it again.” but are they really unreasonable?  lets say you were watching sexandcity/twilight/other favorite romantic style movie and this guy was like asking you questions every 5 minutes because he doesn’t understand why girls like vampires, and then he also comments on how freakin hot the girls are.  would you really like that?  i dont thikn so.

*edit: if you are intersted in writing game recaps and/or taking pictures during games, please let me know. just leave a comment.

sup sports fans.  another great week of games in the RWCBA and congrats on the superawesome New York Yankees for returning to the World Series.  this league is shaping up to be super competitive with great games and great fans.  Thanks to all 10 of our fans out there, you guys are the best.  and lets give a shotout to the great commissioner who organized this league.  what a devestatingly handsome fellow(with a great PER to boot).

week 2 boxscores here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1:

Team Mark(47) – Team Sam (41)

Team Hero: Ronell John

Stat of the Game: +8 point differential from the free throw line

Another great week one game that cemented Team Mark as the early favorites to win it all as well as showing that Team Sam should be a top contender as well.  A true contrast of styles with the team Sam showing the power of team work with team Mark showing the power of people who are just really good at basketball.  Ronell fueled the team Mark attack again, scoring 23 points and grabbing nine boards.  Team Sam showed that last week was no fluke with a strong effort led by benwallace clone kevin kim and tayshawnprince clone sam kwon.  both sides are missing key players as jooho has been crippled with the hardest injury to shake(ministry) while mark has been crippled with the second hardest(work).  rumor has it that mark is still training for the kumitae and looking for that elusive mcrib sandwich.  he is also worried about his big lips being chapped for the upcoming winter.  jon law and ray lee made successful debuts, repping the oldschool RWC.  they were rumored to go gang banging after the game since they are original gangstars.

Game 2 recap:

Team Dan(50) – Team Mark (45)

Team Hero: Lamont Chichester

Game 2 showed how much difference one player can make in a league of poorly skilled out of shape asian guys.  team dan was bolstered with the return of Dan and having a full game of the most excellent Lamonster.  Meanwhile Team Mikey suffered the brutal loss of bigman Jung Suh to work, the nagging injury that will last all season long.  Jooheon Yoon rebounded from a so-so performance in game 1 with a strong 24 point 14 rebound effort, but also now carries the dubious distinction of being the first person to foul out in RWCBA history.  Team Dan was fueled by an 11-2 2nd half run with big 3s from The Mayor John Park and Dan.  Despite going to an intentional fouling system and hoping for poor free throw shooting, Lamont showed he is a cool cat and ended up finishing 8-13 from the charity stripe, helping the horrendous RWCBA league average in the process. Hans Cho made a jumpshot and girls cheered for him. Though he showed no emotion, internally he rejoiced.

Game 3:

Team Paul(33) – Team Jaemin(32)

Team Hero: Adam Eldridge

A game that featured the debut of Adam “skywalker” Eldridge, but turned out to be an intense defensive struggle to the end.  Adam jumped for the tip and the crowd oooohed.  he showed his athleticism with some nice rebounding and the crowd ahhhhed.  then basketball was played.  this game featured the first zone when team Jaemin showed off a nasty 3-2 zone that was difficult to break at times. Team Paul, however, was up tot he task unleashing a fierce man to man defense with great ball pressure from andy oh, jon kim, and adam.  This game saw pre-season favorite team jaemin drop to 0-2.  rumor has it that timo is searching for this reporter in order to deliver a booty kicking for delivering the sports illustrated jinx.

and now what everyone lives for, THE POWER RANKING:

1. Team Mark – steady at number one.  so far no team has had an answer for the perimter duo of ronell and andrew.  This team is still missing some nice bigs in mark and dongchul so they sky is the limit.

2. Team Paul – a very strong effort against the preseason favorites in a game which both teams wanted badly.  adam showed off incredible athleticism and overall this team has the potential to be the best perimeter defensive team in the league.  still some struggles at time on offense

3. Team Sam – finally some respect.  Team Sam showed that their smart low-TO approach is allowing them to stay in and grind out games.  This team is still awaiting top bigman Jooho’s debut, but he is currently searching for the best general tso’s chicken in midtown west.  In addition, this team will probably enjoy the most “homecourt” advantage through their rabid superfans.

4. Team Dan – a nice bounceback win.  this team showed off that it can be deadly from the 3 point line with a killer run in the second half.  A very non traditional team makes this one a tricky one to match up with, it’ll be interesting to see how they face off versus a strong perimeter defending team next week.

5. Team Mikey – A team with solid parts, but still lacking an identity offensively and defensively.  Not having bigman Jung will always hurt, but this team needs to figure out what its trying to accomplish as a team on both ends of the court.  Dave Park, please do not play lacross games before basketball.

6. Team Jaemin – the preseason favorites fall all the way to the bottom and still have not tasted sweet victory.  the road only gets harder as they face the undefeated team mark in week 3.  let’s not go crazy though, as this team has only lost by a combined 4 points in its first two games.  one or two tiny adjustments can lead to a nice victory.

hello sports fans,

it was an exciting week one with great action in all the games.  let’s go to the recap.

boxscores here:

http://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0AuUFUFrWrCr7dGdJSnJic0JXUUhaVm9FWS1XOFdJd3c&hl=en

Game 1: Team Sam 38 – Team Jaemin 36

Game Hero: Sam Kwon

Stat of the game: +10 TO differential for team Sam

What an exciting inagural game to the RWCBA.  The preseason favorites, Team Jaemin, took on the scrappy NYU Team lead by underrated superstar Sam Kwon.  Timo was dominant as expected, grabbing 14 rebounds, and almost singlehandedly outrebounding the NYU team.  Crazed NYU fans wagging their purple fingers, however, let to poor free throw shooting by Team Jaemin, a phenomenon that would be league wide throughout week 1. Team Captain Sam Kwon gave efficiency new meaning shooting 7-8 from the field, as well as 3-3 from 3 point land with 4 rebounds and 4 steals.  Powerhouse Kevin Kim showed why steroids paid off with a humongous block that riled the crazed superfans up.   When asked about his block after the game, Kevin replied “Well If i cant slam the ball after the games, I’m going to slam the ball in the games.”  poor basketballs, take cover my friends..  Kevin also provided the clutch buzzer beater tip in that provided the winning margin.  I hope you’ve learned your lesson.  Wheaties dont pay off my friends, steroids do.  all in all, an exciting game and a great start.

Game 2: Team Mikey 43 – Team Paul 41

Game Hero: Jung Suh

Stat of the game:  Team Mikey hit 3 more 3pointers which proved to be the difference.

Not to be undone by game 1, Teams Mikey and Paul battled hard till the bitter end with team Mikey pulling out another nailbiter.  Neither team led by more than 5 points at any point in the game, and the teams were separated by one possession for the majority of the time.  Despite being hobbled by a bad ankle from practicing dance moves by himself in his room, Jooheon Yoon was his usual efficient self leading the scoring attack with 15 points.  The real story, however, was the big sexy giant Jung Suh inside who somehow avoided both the work and parenting injury bugs to show why big men win basketball games(and girls).  Point guard Andy Oh led an efficient attack for Team Paul who was without the mysterious Adam Eldridge.  Just like the season premier of LOST, everyone eagerly awaits his arrival to see what this team will really be like.

Game 3: Team Mark(60) – Team Dan(46)

Game Hero: Ronell John

In a much anticipated game with many questions, only some of are questions were answered as Team Mark defeated Team Dan 60-46.  This was definitely a contest where the final score can be quite deceiving, as Team Dan was without point guard Lamont and struggled at times offensively in the first half.  Team Mark showed that they are a powerful force to be reckoned with, led by guard Ronnell who made all types of things rain, going off for 24 points and 11 rebounds. Benson George made his RWCBA debut, showing off solid hands and a nice finishing touch in the basket.  Team captain Mark was missing from this game.  Rumor has it that he in Thailand training for the next Kumitae and looking for a McDonalds that serves the McRib.

Power Rankings

1. Team Mark.  From worst to first baby.  Ronell led a powerful scoring attack that should only get better with Mark’s return.  The big question will be can any team stop all these weapons of mass destruction.

2. Team Jaemin- What a team that lost is still number two.  yes, we stil believe.  Aaron showed that he is an unstoppable offensive force, and we are assuming Timo will hit at least one free throw next week.  The return of Mike Oh and a more healthy Jaemin should bolster this squad.

3.  Team Mikey – a gritty win.  This team showed that if Jung is able to play, they will have a deadly inside force surrounded by lots of perimeter shooting.  They still haven’t reached their full offensive potential, but that potential may never be reached because Jung is both an investment banker and a father.  He might as well try to win the nobel peace prize because he obviously has a lot of free time.

4. Team Sam – A very impressive win over the preseason favorties, but still no respect from the pollsters as questions still remain.  It’s hard to imagine that Sam will shoot so well in the next game.  They’ll be playing team Mark next week, so let’s see if the purple violets can knock off another #1 team in the rankings.   Also rumors of random drug testing in this league cast doubt on how many games Kevin will be able to play.

5. Team Paul – Adam Eldridge where are you? Let’s just say one slam dunk can rocket this team to the top as well.  Will Andy Oh slowly get his point guard mojo back.

6. Team Dan – a gritty team that showed a lot of heart without some if its top players.  the major question mark facing this team is size inside.  We’ll know more when they have a full squad.

ahh autumn is here.  leaves are changing color.  the pangs of lonelienss are sharpened even more by cold weather.  pumpkin everything saturates the world.  in an attempt to make some money, ill be introducing pumpkin ramen, pumpkin pinkberry/redmango toppings and pumpkin chocopies.  no one can resist the evil schemes of bbans bo.

but everyone knows the best part of autumn is the return of basketball. and while next year’s nba season should be epic(259 days to lebron becomes a free agent and joins the NY knicks), we have the first season of the epic RWCBA league.  so let’s preview the teams:

team mikey:

starting 5:

pg: mikey choi/sg: dan choe/sf: joo heon yoon/pf: dave park/c: jung suh

subs: darren kwong, jason hsieh, hans cho, pat moon, ricky chan

single guys: mikey, dan, joo heon, dave, jason, pat

lonely single guys: hans and dan

real life comparison: houston rockets(with ron artest)

a team with a lot of offensive firepower but a lot of question marks.  Like the rockets, they are built around an unstoppable wing force(tmac/jooheon) and a fundamentally sound big man(jung/yao).  unfortunately like the rockets, their big man often misses time to injury(work or child).  this team also has two med students, so they may often be shorthanded, but at least theyll have good medical treatment in between games.  a high percentage of single men ensures that this team will probably play hard to impress the one or two ladies who actually watch these games.

in other news, the villain in rush hour 2 is ricky tan, not ricky chan just in case you were wondering about that like I was.  rumor has it that everytime ricky chan hits a basket, danchoe will be ripping his shirt off and taunting the other team with “ricky chan shot your dadddddddddddddy”

team jaemin:

starting 5: pg mike oh/ sg steve song/ sf aaron yip/ pf jaemin kim / c timo

bench: joon lee, jason chang, james juhn, jason yow, chris kim

players who are eeriely simlar to zydrunas ilgauskus: james juhn

real life comparison: san antonio spurs

a well constructed team built around a twin tower structure in jaemin and timo and the michigan backcourt of mikeoh and stevesong.  much like shaq, timo will be pretty much impossible to officiate in RWCBA.  basketball wise, this team will be going with the ufc pound and punish method, so as long as their guards can get the ball to their big men, they should be in good shape.  newcomer aaron has shown flashes of brilliance making this the most dominant frontcourt to begin the season.  the real heartwarming story of this team is the return of James Juhn from a busted shoulder, ministry, and marriage.  If James can overcome, these odds, then this reporter can believe in anything.  rumor has it this team’s season motto will be: win one for big z.

team paul:

starting 5: pg andyoh/ sg adam eldridge/ sf: jon kim/ pf: joe ng/ c paul lee

bench: fred lee/ al orn/ jeff fu/ rob lim/ gabe ting

player who asked if its ok to dunk during the games: adam eldridge

player who definitely will not be dunking during any game: andy oh

real life comparison: phoenix suns

RUN IT BABY. this team will be running the whole game.  led by an intelligent pass first point guard and an athletic front line, this team will be pushing the pace every chance they can get.  rumor has it that paul lee has already purchased 5 different outfits for each of the round robin games and joe ng will be debuting a new jersey.  this team has a total wildcard in adam eldridge, who recently asked if its ok to dunk during the game.  so im guessing this team will at least be semi-decent.  jeff fu has been attempting to grow the d’antoni porn stache for the past week but so far his attempts are unsuccessful. all in all, this team will be super unpleasant to play against.

team dan:

starting 5: pg lamont chichester/ sg john park/ sf clinton lee/ pf dan kim / c eugene park

bench: sam kim, david lee, walter shin, stephen cho, jonathan toh

players looking to become the single season rwcba 3 pt leader: dan kim, john park

real life comparison: golden state warriors

like the true original gangster he is, dan went with the all old school remnant ballers model in building his team.  it is possible that this team will shoot more 3’s than all the other teams combined as they have some some mad bombers in lamont and the mayor.  in the recent pre season scrimmage, dan cemented his donyell marshall reputation with a solid stat line of 10 shots taken, 9 of which were 3s with 10 rebounds.  this team is undersized, but should be able to make up for it with defensive effort and outside shooting.

team NYU(led by sam)

starting 5: pg: eric lum/ sg: mike chung/ sf: sam kwon/ pf: jooho lee/ c: kevin kim

bench: ben shim, john lee, sam chu, david ho

players using steroids: kevin kim

players with no strong nyu affiliation: jooho lee

real life comparison: a mixture of 90s knicks without ewing and 2000 pistons without chauncey. eh supertars, who needs them, we have a system.

sam kwon has chosen to build his team by choosing ex football players and NYU students.  unfortunately, this is a basketball league. BAZINGA.  haha i kid.   while this team lacks a true superstar, it has many serviceable players and should be able to play system basketball.   If Jooho can return to his previous form, this team has a chance to go far.   This team will be playing the most tenacious defense of any team in this league, as Kevin is no longer allowed to slam the ball after his team loses, so he will probably be punching players on his own team instead.  sorry fellas.  Rumor has it there also have been difficulties in finding a uniform to fit Kevin’s body. All in all, this is a sneaky team as they have many solid players who may be underrated in the eyes of others since they lack flash.  Sadly, this team did not choose purple as their team color.

team mark

starting 5(positoins unknown): mark ro, ronell john, andrew han, benson george, dongchul paek

bench: robert yi, jon law, brian suh, jon law

total unknowns: benson george, dongchul paek

real life comparison: spanish national team.

much like the spanish national team, team mark is a total mystery.  if they were the best team in the league, it would not be a surprise, nor would it be a surprise if they were the worst. This team has three solid offensive players in mark, ronell, and andrew and will be difficult to stop.  honestly, its hard to write a preview for a team of unknowns.

so there are the teams.  as for power poll for now i’ll go:

1. jaemin. the early favorites. intimidating front line.

2. paul. any team that has a guy who can dunk in a church league has to be ranked high.

3. mikey – lots of talent, but lots of question marks.  can the players make it to the games.

4. sam – a team with the potential to improve as the season proceeds if their players can run the systems effectively.

5. dan – lots of good players, but size may be an issue.  may be ranked higher if they show ablity to play post D and not get out rebounded

6. mark – the unknowns.  could be ranked first next week.

championship: Jaemin over Paul

mvp: timo

defensive player of the year: joe ng

rookie of the year: adam eldridge

commissioner of the year: hans cho

first team -rwcba

pg: andy oh

sg: lamont chichester

sf: sam kwon

pf: jooheon yoon

c: timo