On Kareoke: A Treatise by Sir Hansbeeebbans the Fourth, Earl of Kentucky Fried Chicken August 26, 2009
Posted by hansbbans in Uncategorized.trackback
The following is a treatise on how one shoudl go forth in maximizing enjoyment at a kareoke establishment. By no means do I profess to be an expert on such subject, but am simply humbly offering observations that I have made.
1. Thou shall receive enjoyment at kareoke in two ways: Through the performance of song and sometimes dance and the observation of the performances of others. However, it is important for us to note that the vast majority of one’s time is spent observing others, which leads us to:
2. Think of others while you choose songs and perform. If we go to kareoke and am solely concerned with my own enjoyment, it is quite possible that I will only enjoy 5-10% of the time that I am there. If I am mindful of the overall crowd mood and energy, than it is quite possible for all of us to have fun 100% of the time. Related to this idea:
3. Thoughts on song selection:
A. if you do not know rap songs, dont pick them: “anyone can rap” – typical emorocker boy. guess what? that’s far from true. rapping actually requires rhythm and flow. And it’s not so easy to read lyrics when they are blazing across the screen and you dont know how the song goes. If you dont believe me, go try to rap bombs over Baghdad without practicing.
B. dont be creepy. this includes choosing overtly sexual songs. Few people can pull this off correctly without sending chills down people’s spines(the wrong kind of chills). We want Usher to make it nice and slow, not you. This also includes being a guy and singing teenage girl pop songs. sorry brah, but it’s jsut weird.
C. if you’ve recently broken up with someone, avoid break up songs. It is the ultimate mood killer. We feel for you friend, but lets not bring that into the kareoke room. Let’s forget our problems for 2 hours and have a rockin good time.
D. Korean friends, lets not sing korean songs if our non-korean friends are there. There are plenty of fine american jams to choose from. It is quite boring to sit through someone singing jibberjabber.
E. Give other people a chance. Sharing is caring. No one wants to hear the same person sing 4 songs in 30 minutes.
4. As our friend the Rock says, know your role:
A. SUPERDIVAS – please dont go for fake humility. everyone wants to hear you sing, just sing. SING FOR THE MOMENT.
B. FUNNYMAN – everyone appreciates your comments. They add a lot to the kareoke experience.but dont interrupt the superdiva to try to steal their spotlight. just sit there and enjoy.
c. EMO ROCKER – Don’t be emo. dont kill the mood. dont sing a song that makes everyone wanna off themselves.
D. AVERAGE OR BELOW AVERAGE GIRL SINGER – sorry but you take the worst of it at kareoke. if you’re a sucky guy, somehow its quite amusing. If you are a sucky girl, no one finds it funny. Instead, everyone just sits around and waits for you to finish. By no means does this mean you shouldn’t sing, just dont wait for a great crowd response. it really sucks and im sorry. Buy yourself a drink before the singing starts.
simple rules for good times. Till next time, stay sexy my friends.
very naaaaaiice, hansbbans! although, i kind of love it when men sing britney or madonna karaoke songs. lol.
I would add two more:
Never put in songs you have no intention of singing.
If you cancel more than twice in the middle of the song, it’s time to sit this trip out.
songs that elicit group participation are the best
singing with an accent is also excellent
having some alcohol flowing while singing is also excelente.
when going, always have a few hits in mind and be ready to enter them, there’s nothing worse than wasted karaoke time when nothing is ready to go
haha! i agree. the overtly sexual songs are too awkward. walter said that once, he and eugene sang a song with the words, “i’ll freak you right, i will.” oh man… that must have been really uncomfortable.
If all else fails, just get up and dance on the table.
’nuff said
HAHAH thats why i dont go kareoking.