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Timo PF/C # 33 Brazil

Star Comparisons

Nene,Kaka, Yao(sports stars known only by one name), Lamar Odom(siiiick consumption of candies), Tim Duncan(usually stoic/awkward with spurts of playfulness and charm), Wayman Tisdale, Bernie Williams (sports musicians), Shaq/Dwight Howard(classic bigman manchild), BFG(big friendly giant baby!),Eli Manning(has well known facial expression), Matthew Berry/Brandon Funston(excels at fantasy sports), albert chung, melisssa hijioka(asians with confusing last names that look like one asian race, but are actually another).

Hey Brudder!

its been a while since ive blogged. apologies to the ten people out there who have been feverishly refreshing their google readers.  anyway not only is the fourth of july coming up, but it’s also timo’s wedding.  a quick scan of the registry shows that the happy couple did not request a Timo rwc player profile as one of their gifts, but i’m sure thats a mistake so let’s proceed.

A BFG prowls the cage at ps111(soon to be ps 191).  Much like the original BFG, Timo goes about collecting the dreams of the ballers running around.  Unlike his predecessor, however, he quickly crushes their dreams with his superior big man game.  Known for his thunderous left handed driving lay up and neverneding sequence of offensive rebound tips to himself, Timo is the one of the few classic big men that exist in RWCNBA.  Like all big men, he needs skilled outside shooting to space the floor and deft passing to get him the ball in proper position in the post.  However, both of these skills do not exist, which often lead Timo to be frustrated and flash the classic Timoface.  It may seem that Timo may not be exerting 100% effort at all times, but this is merely an energy conservation system which he has mastered, as shown by his burts of explosisions during pivotal plays of each game.

Timo’s talents are by no means limited to the basketball court.  A skilled baseball player, Timo stole 28 bases during his high school career.  Rumor has it that he is also a skilled dodge ball player(unconfirmed by this blog).  And by no means his talent limited to athletics.   A truly skilled musician, many a lady(and dood) have swooned over his piano playing and smooooth voice.  OOOOH YEAHH SOOO SMOOTH.  sorry pigeons, go away, cuz this BFG is spoken for.   While Timo’s musicianship and athleticism are quite nice, his true amazing talent is his ability to eat incredible amounts of candy.  Rumor has it that the foodnetwork is setting up their candyman challenge where Timo will face off against lakers foward lamar odom to see who can eat more candy.  Former #1 pick Michael “candyman” olowakandi will officiate since he sucks at basketball and now needs every dollar he can get.

Where will Timo’s career go from here?  The man truly is at a crossroads(cue bone thugs and harmony song, not brittney spears).  Soon to be happily married, will he be able to avoid the ultimate injury(a wife that says no)?  Rumor has it that he’s already met with now savvy veterans albert, ben and mumbles who have been able to avoid this injury  Even more worrisome, however, is the EPA.  Taking a cue from the PETA/Mike Vick incident,  crazed environmentalists have decided to picket RWCNBA games due to Timo’s excessive use and abuse of napkins.  One EPA official was quoted as saying that “trees have feelings and they are being killed”.  Timo could not be reached for comment.

Recap:

-true big man with ability to finish with both hands.  offensive rebounding monster.

-looks like a big man, but a playful child inside.  loves candy.

-getting married on july 4th.  CONGRATS!!!!

best ways to defend:

-goad other players on his team to stand next to him and ruin spacing

-invite 40 other doods to play ball and hope that he constantly misses free throws

if all else fails:

-go to local stores and buy out all candy.