THIS BLOG IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WAS

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHAEL CHOI!!! YOU ASK AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE:

John “The Mayor” Park  #11B  SG University of Michigan

Star comparisons:

Fred Hoiberg(the mayor), Sean Casey(the mayor), Ed Koch/Blomberg/Dinkins/JerrySpringer(mayor), Mr. Miyagi(Master of the Crane), Brent Barry/Robert Horry (wily veteran), Lebron James/Magic Johnson (fun and loved by teammates),David Beckham(OCD need to have things clean), Mikey Choi(Voice Twin),

Crane City, Japan – KONICHIWA!   In anticipation of the newly formed RWCNBA summer league(which is reportedly being organized by a dashing fellow), i’ve decided to learn at least one basketball skill.  And what skill better to start with than the jump shot?  And everyone knows there’s only one person to learn the jump shot from: the JPizzle, the mayor of crane city.  it’s where MJ, kobe, and lebron all went when they realized they needed the jump shot to elevate their games to the next level.  JJ Reddick traveled here as a young teenager, and was susbsequently attacked by the Kobra Cai, but was ultimately saved by the Mayor’s crane.  And sweet shooters like Larry Legend and Pistol Pete now reside here in peaceful harmony.

The first thing I learned from the Mayor was the importance of footwork in the jump shot.  While many people have seen the Mayor in action on the dance floor of weddings, few people realize that he’s actually practicing his footwork for his jumpshot.  and derives no enjoyment from dancing.  While many a lady has tried to get up close and dance with the mayor, he sees them simply as defenders on the court which is why he often eludes them with quick spins and sidesteps. To this day, he still hones his impeccable footwork on the dance floor, making him paritcualry deadly during the wedding season.

The mayor is a particuarly unifying force within his team.  His arsenal of jump shots is only matched by his treasure chest of one liners, which his teammates often find to be HEH HILARIOUS!  Often found yelling encouragement to teammates, the mayor is definitely a boost for team morale and is a safe bet to be re-elected for several terms.  Rumor has it that he’s been brought in to work with Kobe Bryant, but his efforts so far have failed because Kobe is a scumbag and a rapist.  Defintely not the mayor’s fault.

Of course like every player in the RWCNBA, the mayor is not without his flaws.   There have been times where he has refused to step out onto the court because its absolute filth clashed with his OCD cleanliness.  He routinely gets injured around February/March(tax season) and battles the other common injury that belagues most players known as ministry.  An avid golfer and recreational soft ball player, some have questioned the mayor’s passion for hoops but we know that his true loe is the corner 3.

recap:

-great jump shot

-good teammate, often helps teammates relax and have fun.  encourages others.

-doesnt like the paint

Best ways to defend:

1. ask for company to be audited

2. try to get him pissed off and hope he crane kicks you and gets a T

if all else fails

3. break into his apt and make a huge mess.  take pictures and show him before the game.

Happy Birthday Andy5! Since the best present of all(killing your associates and blowing your office building up) will land me in the slammer, i’ll provide the next best thing.  reading material about basketball.  WAHOOO.

Michael “The Chef” Choi, PG/SG/SF/PF/C  #69  The French Culinary Institute

Star comparisons:

Kevin Durant(only body, not skill), Stephen Curry(owns his jersey, not his skill), Lamar Odom/Jerry Stackhouse/Andrei Kirilenko (versatility), rafer alston(and1 ball skills and flair),Nikoloz Tskitishvili(basketball clone), Chen Kenichi/Hiroyuki Sakai(asian iron chefs), rocco dispirito/dave lieberman(incredibly sexy chefs!), Dave Grohl/ringo Starr(rockstar drummers), john park(voice)

DO YOU SMELLLLLLLL WHAT THE CHEF IS COOKING???????  Many times its a dizzying array of 3’s, steals, blocks, rebounds, and jumpers.While many ballers in RWCNBA only excel at one(or sometimes no) facet of the game, the Chef shines as a truly versatile player, hitting a 3 on one play and the guarding a much bigger man down in the post on the very next possession.  It’s ok, because secretly the Chef loves really big men.  BIG ONES.  His love for big men is only eclipsed by his love of sports, especially basketball.  The CHEF is always down to play, and often fights through nagging injuries to his ankle and wrist.  However, his will and basketball heart may soon be broken when Lebron James leaves his beloved Cleveland Cavs and leads the New York Knicks to 10 straight nba titles.

The Chef grew up on the rough streets of Cincinnatti where he learned how to take it the streets.  You know how he likes it baby, straight hoood.  There he beat the odds and went to college . As shown by his wardrobe, the Chef attended many ncaa universities including north carolina, oregon,illinois, the ohio st.  At each school, he added one facet to his repetoire, leading to the versatility that he wows his opponents with today.  But it was ultimately his last school, the french culinary institute, where his basketball skills shined, leading the cooks to a division 11 title.  Rumor has it that he blocked 8 shots against the institue of culinary education in the championship(unfortunately, all the blocks were against girls).

The versatility of the chef is in no way limited to just the court.  His typical Sundays including jamming on the drums, dominating on the basketball court, dazzling the ladies at starbucks, and cooking delicious quesadillas.  really delicious quesadillas.  ooooh yes.  However, versatility has it costs.   Can a man of many tricks truly master one?  Time will tell.

Recap:

-incredibly versatile.  like the potatoes that he cooks.

-tries to play basketball the right way after being more of a showboat early on in his career

-truly loves basketball, especially shorts and sneakers.

weaknesses:

-often damages crucial portions of hand while cooking

-teammates can be fooled by fake pics called out by his voice twin JP(to be profiled in the future)

-has body of skinny teenage boy.

BEST WAY TO DEFEND:

1. schedule praise band practice during games

2. ask him to cook for surprise birthday parties of friends

IF ALL ELSE FAILS:

3. ask john park to leave skeevy messages on people’s voicemails imitating mikey to get him in trouble.

okay everyone, sorry for the long break between posts.  as suspected, its difficult to blog regularly, but gonna try to get back on the horse again.  and with hopes of trying to blog more regularly, im gonna try to expand the writing topics a bit.  no worries, rwc scouting reports will still be written in the future.

anyway, i love sports and i love conspirancies, and i really love the yankees.  so lets’s combine all of those and come up with my new conspiracy theory:

Arod is gay.  like literally gay.

now if i ever make it as a famous sports blogger,  someone will probably find this post and i’ll be in deep doodoo.  oh wells.  now with my loyal readership of ten pepole, i dont need too much worry abt slander and totally defaming someone.  so here we go!

arod as an individual makes no sense.  What great athlete has been this insecure? (people who wanna say arod is not great and is all roids are being dumb).  he totally acts like someone who cant handle media scrutiny and is hiding some big secret.  what could that big secret be? realistically, there aren’t many options.  Being gay, however, is onre conceivable one, especialy since the gay community would be willing to hide that kind of secret. also lets consider:

1. arod is obssessed with derek jeter, to an almost unnatural level.  The two were once really great friends but then had a huge falling out.  What could have been the cause of that fallout?  how bout good ol arod admitting his feelings to his good old pal derek. You can totally see derek jeter being WTF and just ending their friendship right there.  conversely, you can also see arod ordering boras to get him to the yankees anyway possible so he can win derek back.  I can just picture Arod working out after his hip surgery thinking, “C’mon alex! Work harder.  Derek needs you!!!”

2. arod has incredibly bad taste in woman and had to used hookers?  how is this possible for a major league athlete, let alone a good looking superstar?  Even someone who looks like patrick ewing gets to date the hotties just by his athlete status. and supposedly, he was a big fan of manly hookers.  uhhh manly hookers?? why???

3. arod’s steroeotypical gay slap of bronson arroyo’s hand in game 7 of the 2004 alcs.  embarassing.

4.  Would any straight man take this picture???

If arod did turnout to be gay, think abt how well his tellall book would sell.  GAY-ROD: confessions of a major league gay-mo with the first line being: I was a third basemen on the field, but a catcher off it(credit to jp for this line).   he would also instantly becoming the most galvanizing figure in sports.

also watching champions league today, i have to say that christiano ronaldo would make the perfect gay lover for arod.   they would just have that walk around holding hands with buffed chests and tight jeans in chelsea look.

so that’s my first sports conspiracy theory and im sticking to it. if it turns out  to be true, i would have no problems rooting for Arod.  I just wanna see a world champion again. LETS GO YANKEES!!!